As soon as the comedian Hal Cruttenden steps on stage you know that you are in safe hands. Safe, of course, doesn't have to mean boring. Cruttenden, a comedian since 1996, has spent enough time on stage to make stand-up look easy. Working as the warm-up act for Rob Brydon, the star of Gavin and Stacey, on his UK tour, he has also scooped a nomination for the highly prized Perrier newcomer award at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival in 2002.
From Ealing, West London and born "soon after the moon landings" in 1969, Cruttenden grew up in a family that valued artistic pursuits and had an upbringing that he describes as "classic for a comedian. I was the youngest in a family of three, desperate for attention and getting it". His mother and father were involved with The Questors Theatre in Ealing, synonymous with high-quality amateur dramatics. His mother was a theatrical make-up artist while his late father, an advertising executive, always wanted to be an actor but thought it too risky a venture.
Perhaps it is not surprising that Hal and his sister Abigail ended up as child actors (Hal's older sister is now a psychotherapist, a fact that he jokes is an appropriate counterweight to two performers). Abigail has gone on to carve out quite a niche in TV comedy with credits including Benidorm and Rosemary & Thyme ("she does more TV comedy than I do" jokes Hal) while Cruttenden managed to reinvent himself as a stand up after a stint at drama school. However, while Abigail's route into the business was relatively smooth Hal found being a child actor difficult:
"Before stand-up I was always a nervous performer and so the other child performers were a bit a of nightmare for me, all dancing around in a T-shirt from the latest production they did at the National Youth Theatre or whatever. I was ultimately a shy person and that didn't really suit me. I remember the first telly thing I did was a Channel 4 production called A Married Man with Anthony Hopkins. I had one short scene but I was so nervous I was hopping from foot to foot. Hopkins was nice to me but I could feel the director thinking, 'This bloody kid? why won't he just stop moving!' It took about 12 takes to do that one shot."
He ultimately decided that the pressure of childhood acting was not for him: "That was a bit silly because by 20 or 21 I wanted to be an actor again, but child acting is quite a horrible world really and it gives you an unrealistic impression of the business. When I was a kid I never 'found a job'. I just used to go to auditions and get them. As a grown-up actor that almost never happened. Also, I was a bit more serious when I was a kid and I really wanted to be a journalist. That's what I was planning when I went to university and then realised that I wasn't an intellectual, had no inclination to write for the university paper or train up to be a foreign correspondent holed up in a hotel in Iraq."
Instead, drama school beckoned, which led to the familiar route of a jobbing actor: bit parts in TV shows such as EastEnders and Kavanagh QC. He also had a stint writing traffic reports for the BBC Radio network. Somewhat surreally, it was from here that he made his move into comedy, after a colleague suggested he enrol on a comedy course.
"Initially I thought that this would be useful for doing a one-man show but in actual fact it meant that all the pieces fitted together in the sense that comedy was absolutely what I wanted to do. The first time I did a gig I thought, 'However bad it gets, I know this is what I can do and what I should be doing'."
Confidence was one hurdle, but he says that he had always thought stand up meant you had to be pretty tough and streetwise to survive, citing Mark Thomas as an example. As a self-confessed "softie", Cruttenden felt out of place. Fortunately as his stage nerves subsided so did his preconceptions, thanks mainly to Eddie Izzard.
"I thought if that man can be a bit posh, dress like him and not spend his whole time defending himself, then I can be myself on stage too. When I finally met him, one night at The Comedy Store, the first thing I said to him was, 'You are the reason I do this.'"
Hal and his wife, Dawn, met 10 years ago. They have been married for nine-and-a-half of those years ("we knew within two weeks that we wanted to be together," he says) and have two young daughters, Martha and Grace. Dawn, who hails from Northern Ireland, features quite regularly in Hal's act and he says she doesn't mind that he jokes that she marches around the house or his impression of her knocking on the bathroom door and saying in a broad Northern Irish accent: "Hal, you've got five minutes."
"She has a really interesting outlook on life because she grew up in a tough part of Derry," he explains. "She knew people who were killed or who disappeared. Then there's me who grew up in a very middle- class part of West London and yet I worry a lot about more about life than she does."
Though Hal is no stranger to pain, his father having died at 50 (just one year in to a later flowering acting career, it turns out), he adds: "My wife has seen horrible things so she doesn't understand when I wake up at 4am worrying about having a big face. We're very different people and that's what keeps us entertained."
Hal cites one example of their complementary relationship, conjuring up a Christmas-dinner scene where his wife's relatives, many of whom are in the services, recount stories of finding or even defusing bombs: "Then it comes to me and I say, 'Well someone nearly headbutted me at a gig'. A different level of danger altogether?"
Though not in the front line of danger, Hal's life is still pretty fraught. When I speak to him he has just finished a run of Orwell: A Celebration at the Trafalgar Studios in London, thereby getting back to his acting roots, and is 24 hours away from getting on the plane to the UAE for his comedy tour. He travels extensively and has visited the Emirates twice before, saying that he finds the Middle Eastern audiences "very appreciative of the fact that visiting comics have come a long way and, because it is largely an expat audience, it is a taste of home for them".
When he returns to the UK he wont have long to enjoy home comforts as he is fully booked with gigs until after Christmas, including reprising his warm-up role for Brydon and planning an international tour next spring.
"I've also got two sitcom ideas in development," he says. "One of them is with quite an established comedian. I am hoping it will be picked up by someone, but don't want to talk too much about that just yet?"
? Hal Cruttenden will perform with Paul Tonkinson and Karl Spain at the Crowne Plaza in Abu Dhabi tonight, the Crowne Plaza Dubai on Wednesday, and The Country Club Hotel in Dubai on Thursday. For information visit www.the laughterfactory.com.
Coffee: black death or elixir of life?
It is among the greatest health debates of our time; splashed across newspapers with contradicting headlines - is coffee good for you or not?
Depending on what you read, it is either a cancer-causing, sleep-depriving, stomach ulcer-inducing black death or the secret to long life, cutting the chance of stroke, diabetes and cancer.
The latest research - a study of 8,412 people across the UK who each underwent an MRI heart scan - is intended to put to bed (caffeine allowing) conflicting reports of the pros and cons of consumption.
The study, funded by the British Heart Foundation, contradicted previous findings that it stiffens arteries, putting pressure on the heart and increasing the likelihood of a heart attack or stroke, leading to warnings to cut down.
Numerous studies have recognised the benefits of coffee in cutting oral and esophageal cancer, the risk of a stroke and cirrhosis of the liver.
The benefits are often linked to biologically active compounds including caffeine, flavonoids, lignans, and other polyphenols, which benefit the body. These and othetr coffee compounds regulate genes involved in DNA repair, have anti-inflammatory properties and are associated with lower risk of insulin resistance, which is linked to type-2 diabetes.
But as doctors warn, too much of anything is inadvisable. The British Heart Foundation found the heaviest coffee drinkers in the study were most likely to be men who smoked and drank alcohol regularly.
Excessive amounts of coffee also unsettle the stomach causing or contributing to stomach ulcers. It also stains the teeth over time, hampers absorption of minerals and vitamins like zinc and iron.
It also raises blood pressure, which is largely problematic for people with existing conditions.
So the heaviest drinkers of the black stuff - some in the study had up to 25 cups per day - may want to rein it in.
Rory Reynolds
THE SPECS – Honda CR-V Touring AWD
Engine: 2.4-litre 4-cylinder
Power: 184hp at 6,400rpm
Torque: 244Nm at 3,900rpm
Transmission: Continuously Variable Transmission (CVT)
0-100kmh in 9.4 seconds
Top speed: 202kmh
Fuel consumption: 6.8L/100km
Price: From Dh122,900
Coming soon
Torno Subito by Massimo Bottura
When the W Dubai – The Palm hotel opens at the end of this year, one of the highlights will be Massimo Bottura’s new restaurant, Torno Subito, which promises “to take guests on a journey back to 1960s Italy”. It is the three Michelinstarred chef’s first venture in Dubai and should be every bit as ambitious as you would expect from the man whose restaurant in Italy, Osteria Francescana, was crowned number one in this year’s list of the World’s 50 Best Restaurants.
Akira Back Dubai
Another exciting opening at the W Dubai – The Palm hotel is South Korean chef Akira Back’s new restaurant, which will continue to showcase some of the finest Asian food in the world. Back, whose Seoul restaurant, Dosa, won a Michelin star last year, describes his menu as, “an innovative Japanese cuisine prepared with a Korean accent”.
Dinner by Heston Blumenthal
The highly experimental chef, whose dishes are as much about spectacle as taste, opens his first restaurant in Dubai next year. Housed at The Royal Atlantis Resort & Residences, Dinner by Heston Blumenthal will feature contemporary twists on recipes that date back to the 1300s, including goats’ milk cheesecake. Always remember with a Blumenthal dish: nothing is quite as it seems.
The specs: 2018 Jeep Compass
Price, base: Dh100,000 (estimate)
Engine: 2.4L four-cylinder
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Power: 184bhp at 6,400rpm
Torque: 237Nm at 3,900rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 9.4L / 100km
Hydrogen: Market potential
Hydrogen has an estimated $11 trillion market potential, according to Bank of America Securities and is expected to generate $2.5tn in direct revenues and $11tn of indirect infrastructure by 2050 as its production increases six-fold.
"We believe we are reaching the point of harnessing the element that comprises 90 per cent of the universe, effectively and economically,” the bank said in a recent report.
Falling costs of renewable energy and electrolysers used in green hydrogen production is one of the main catalysts for the increasingly bullish sentiment over the element.
The cost of electrolysers used in green hydrogen production has halved over the last five years and will fall to 60 to 90 per cent by the end of the decade, acceding to Haim Israel, equity strategist at Merrill Lynch. A global focus on decarbonisation and sustainability is also a big driver in its development.
Palestine and Israel - live updates
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
Started: 2021
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
Based: Tunisia
Sector: Water technology
Number of staff: 22
Investment raised: $4 million
MATCH INFO
Manchester City 0
Wolves 2 (Traore 80', 90 4')
Schedule:
Friday, January 12: Six fourball matches
Saturday, January 13: Six foursome (alternate shot) matches
Sunday, January 14: 12 singles
Arctic Monkeys
Tranquillity Base Hotel Casino (Domino)
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
Venom
Director: Ruben Fleischer
Cast: Tom Hardy, Michelle Williams, Riz Ahmed
Rating: 1.5/5
MATCH INFO
CAF Champions League semi-finals first-leg fixtures
Tuesday:
Primeiro Agosto (ANG) v Esperance (TUN) (8pm UAE)
Al Ahly (EGY) v Entente Setif (ALG) (11PM)
Second legs:
October 23
SRI LANKS ODI SQUAD
Perera (capt), Mendis, Gunathilaka, de Silva, Nissanka, Shanaka, Bandara, Hasaranga, Udana, Dananjaya, Dickwella, Chameera, Mendis, Fernando, Sandakan, Karunaratne, Fernando, Fernando.
Expert input
If you had all the money in the world, what’s the one sneaker you would buy or create?
“There are a few shoes that have ‘grail’ status for me. But the one I have always wanted is the Nike x Patta x Parra Air Max 1 - Cherrywood. To get a pair in my size brand new is would cost me between Dh8,000 and Dh 10,000.” Jack Brett
“If I had all the money, I would approach Nike and ask them to do my own Air Force 1, that’s one of my dreams.” Yaseen Benchouche
“There’s nothing out there yet that I’d pay an insane amount for, but I’d love to create my own shoe with Tinker Hatfield and Jordan.” Joshua Cox
“I think I’d buy a defunct footwear brand; I’d like the challenge of reinterpreting a brand’s history and changing options.” Kris Balerite
“I’d stir up a creative collaboration with designers Martin Margiela of the mixed patchwork sneakers, and Yohji Yamamoto.” Hussain Moloobhoy
“If I had all the money in the world, I’d live somewhere where I’d never have to wear shoes again.” Raj Malhotra
Company Profile:
Name: The Protein Bakeshop
Date of start: 2013
Founders: Rashi Chowdhary and Saad Umerani
Based: Dubai
Size, number of employees: 12
Funding/investors: $400,000 (2018)
Bangladesh tour of Pakistan
January 24 – First T20, Lahore
January 25 – Second T20, Lahore
January 27 – Third T20, Lahore
February 7-11 – First Test, Rawalpindi
April 3 – One-off ODI, Karachi
April 5-9 – Second Test, Karachi
Tips for SMEs to cope
- Adapt your business model. Make changes that are future-proof to the new normal
- Make sure you have an online presence
- Open communication with suppliers, especially if they are international. Look for local suppliers to avoid delivery delays
- Open communication with customers to see how they are coping and be flexible about extending terms, etc
Courtesy: Craig Moore, founder and CEO of Beehive, which provides term finance and working capital finance to SMEs. Only SMEs that have been trading for two years are eligible for funding from Beehive.
The schedule
December 5 - 23: Shooting competition, Al Dhafra Shooting Club
December 9 - 24: Handicrafts competition, from 4pm until 10pm, Heritage Souq
December 11 - 20: Dates competition, from 4pm
December 12 - 20: Sour milk competition
December 13: Falcon beauty competition
December 14 and 20: Saluki races
December 15: Arabian horse races, from 4pm
December 16 - 19: Falconry competition
December 18: Camel milk competition, from 7.30 - 9.30 am
December 20 and 21: Sheep beauty competition, from 10am
December 22: The best herd of 30 camels
ETFs explained
Exhchange traded funds are bought and sold like shares, but operate as index-tracking funds, passively following their chosen indices, such as the S&P 500, FTSE 100 and the FTSE All World, plus a vast range of smaller exchanges and commodities, such as gold, silver, copper sugar, coffee and oil.
ETFs have zero upfront fees and annual charges as low as 0.07 per cent a year, which means you get to keep more of your returns, as actively managed funds can charge as much as 1.5 per cent a year.
There are thousands to choose from, with the five biggest providers BlackRock’s iShares range, Vanguard, State Street Global Advisors SPDR ETFs, Deutsche Bank AWM X-trackers and Invesco PowerShares.
Nick's journey in numbers
Countries so far: 85
Flights: 149
Steps: 3.78 million
Calories: 220,000
Floors climbed: 2,000
Donations: GPB37,300
Prostate checks: 5
Blisters: 15
Bumps on the head: 2
Dog bites: 1
Our family matters legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Smart words at Make Smart Cool
Make Smart Cool is not your usual festival. Dubbed “edutainment” by organisers Najahi Events, Make Smart Cool aims to inspire its youthful target audience through a mix of interactive presentation by social media influencers and a concert finale featuring Example with DJ Wire. Here are some of the speakers sharing their inspiration and experiences on the night.
Prince Ea
With his social media videos accumulating more half a billion views, the American motivational speaker is hot on the college circuit in the US, with talks that focus on the many ways to generate passion and motivation when it comes to learning.
Khalid Al Ameri
The Emirati columnist and presenter is much loved by local youth, with writings and presentations about education, entrepreneurship and family balance. His lectures on career and personal development are sought after by the education and business sector.
Ben Ouattara
Born to an Ivorian father and German mother, the Dubai-based fitness instructor and motivational speaker is all about conquering fears and insecurities. His talk focuses on the need to gain emotional and physical fitness when facing life’s challenges. As well managing his film production company, Ouattara is one of the official ambassadors of Dubai Expo2020.
Friday's schedule in Madrid
Men's quarter-finals
Novak Djokivic (1) v Marin Cilic (9) from 2pm UAE time
Roger Federer (4) v Dominic Thiem (5) from 7pm
Stefanos Tsitsipas (8) v Alexander Zverev (3) from 9.30pm
Stan Wawrinka v Rafael Nadal (2) from 11.30pm
Women's semi-finals
Belinda Bencic v Simona Halep (3) from 4.30pm
Sloane Stephens (8) v Kiki Bertens (7) from 10pm
Our legal consultants
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
