On why children take pride in fasting during Ramadan

A common question among children every day during Ramadan is, "are you fasting today?" Usually the safe answer is "yes", with a look of hunger. Otherwise the poor child should be ready to be mocked by school friends, siblings and cousins. Ahmed, one of my brothers, is a proud Muslim with strict standards. "All boys in Grade 6 fast and it's such a huge embarrassment if we catch someone not fasting," he says. "If he was not fasting he would have to have a gigantically good excuse. Something like having swine flu might give him a pass," he adds with a laugh. I stare back, pitying his friends.

Another brother, Abdulrahman, who is a bit younger and more democratic, has a different take, being in Grade 4: "Last year in school, boys in my class used to form a big gang during Ramadan. They would pretend they were fasting in front of everybody but would find places to eat without them being seen during the break." Ahmed immediately mocks him, saying: "Hameeha harameeha," which implies putting a wolf in charge of sheep.

It's a harsh world for young people during Ramadan, especially for boys like Ahmed, who is idealistic. "It is known to us that you don't have to fast until you reach puberty but everyone knows that whenever you reach 11, you should definitely be fasting more than 20 days at least," he says. "And a real Arab would fast when he reaches nine years old," he continues, eyeing Abdulrahman. My friend's daughter, Meitha, who is seven, fasts every other day, which given her age, is a huge accomplishment. In Sunna and Islam, it is the parents' responsibility to make sure their children are capable of fasting, and if not, they will never be forced to.

The parents will explain this is because our bodies have the right, given by God, to be healthy and well. It is also important that children are encouraged to have a late suhoor and an early iftar to reduce the amount of fasting hours and to make sure they don't become dehydrated. Like Meitha, young people feel honoured to experience fasting and to follow Ramadan's worship rituals, such as tarqweh prayers. At family gatherings, they are excited to taste iftar dishes, such as harees and thareed.

When I was a child, Ramadan was a holiday from all the nagging. I was one of the children who gave their mother a hard time when it came to food; I simply wasn't a fan of eating. I remember when I was five years old, I was so determined to fast to enjoy the adult experience and to earn my place at the iftar table. My mother, however, thought I was too young and so she had a plan. She made me fast from the morning until I came back from school, and when I got home it was OK to eat. That was my mother's way of teaching me how to cope with a fast. "Today, you fast half a day," she said, "and tomorrow another half day, and don't worry. I'll sew them together for you to be one full day."

And it worked. At five years old I believed that. I think I will continue using this method for the next generation so that they can enjoy what I did: the privilege of saying "yes, I am fasting".

Fatima al Shamsi is away