Well, poke me sideways. Predatory football agents have discovered social networking.
As if the internet was not already packed to its virtual rafters with all manner of spivs, scammers and assorted ne’er-do-wells, we must now be on guard against vultures circling Facebook et al in their hunt for young prey to “tap up”.
Neil Bath, the head of the Chelsea FC academy, says unscrupulous agents are so eager to get their grubby hands on these future cash cows that they are using social networking sites to send messages to youngsters, thus bypassing protective clubs and parents.
This despite English Football Association rules which ban any player under 16 from having an agent, and any agent from making approaches.
I can see why this story made the news. The image of a stereotyped agent learning to use the modern online lexicon is inherently comical.
Just imagine those nicotine-stained sausage-fingers prodding the keyboard as this old-school oaf pushes back his Fedora and scratches his greasy head, trying to make sense of the alien territory on screen. What is a Rofl? Is it the same as “ruffle”? When is it appropriate to Lol? And who is this Lmao character? Is he Senegalese?
But we should not be surprised. This is a classic example of new technology facilitating old habits.
It reminds me of the gasping awe with which newspapers reported football hooliganism in the late 1990s, utterly astonished that “high-tech” thugs were arranging fights on internet chat rooms and mobile phones.
Everyone else in the late 90s was using mobile phones and the internet. Did we expect football hooligans to arrange their tear-ups via telegram? Carrier pigeon, perhaps?
Of course rogue agents will use Facebook. They will do anything to gain the edge over their rivals, and pinging out a few e-mails surely beats loitering outside a park changing room on a wet Sunday morning.
This is not Facebook’s fault, nor the internet’s in general, but an inevitable consequence of something much more old-fashioned: a legalised human trade in which staggering profits can be made.
Clubs paint themselves as the good guys for wanting to fend off such rogue agents, but they are protecting their own interests as well as the boys’ careers.
This Facebook panic reminds me of a court case I covered as a news reporter in 2004. Paul Stretford, the football agent, was not accused of any offence – he was the alleged victim of one – but the court heard allegations, never disproved, that he poached a young Wayne Rooney from his first agent by asking a long-term friend and business partner to pay the family a home visit.
The plan worked. Not surprisingly, considering the business partner was one Kenny Dalglish.
Nothing was illegal, but the case provided a glimpse into a very murky world. In comparison, the idea of sending out a few
Facebook messages seems rather tame.
The Stretford story was picked up by a few media outlets but never really discussed at length, perhaps because of the legendary status of Dalglish himself. Well, we would not want to Rofl any feathers, would we?
-------------
It was easy to mock Gennaro Gattuso's spectacular tantrum in the Champions League match against Tottenham Hotspur last week. I should know, having devoted most of a page to that purpose on Saturday.
The general opinion in the United Kingdom was to dismiss the AC Milan man's antics - furiously pounding the turf, shoving Peter Crouch in the chest (or as close as he could reach), and that ineffectual butt on Joe Jordan, the Spurs assistant coach - as being "typically Italian". Fiery, passionate and hot-tempered, yes, but not exactly scary.
The implication was that you would not find British players spitting out the dummy like that. (Have you ever tried spitting a dummy while maintaining a stiff upper lip? It is practically impossible.)
I would hate, however, to leave such lazy racial stereotyping unchecked. In Saturday's FA Cup match between Birmingham City and Sheffield Wednesday, Roger Johnson, the City defender, had a fantastic tantrum of Gattuso proportions.
After being booked for an innocuous challenge, Johnson appeared to suffer the red mist and was substituted for his own good. He will be invaluable if Birmingham stand any chance of beating Arsenal in the Carling Cup final this Sunday. (Which they do not, by the way, but I will still be attending Wembley for my once-in-a-decade slice of crestfall pie.)
Once sat in the dugout, Johnson pummelled the plastic glass with the sort of frantic backwards-elbowing he normally reserves for visiting centre-forwards.
This frenzied assault on defenceless transparent plastic might have ended in tragedy were it not for the intervention of a member of the coaching staff, who cooed soothing words into Johnson's ear.
It was hard to lip read what he said because his lips were practically buried in Johnson's cochlea, but I am certain I saw "naughty" and "step".
Kick racism out of football, they say. OK, let's start by admitting that dour Brits can be just as "fiery" as their Latin cousins.
Australia World Cup squad
Aaron Finch (capt), Usman Khawaja, David Warner, Steve Smith, Shaun Marsh, Glenn Maxwell, Marcus Stoinis, Alex Carey, Pat Cummins, Mitchell Starc, Jhye Richardson, Nathan Coulter-Nile, Jason Behrendorff, Nathan Lyon, Adam Zampa
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Indoor cricket World Cup:
Insportz, Dubai, September 16-23
UAE fixtures:
Men
Saturday, September 16 – 1.45pm, v New Zealand
Sunday, September 17 – 10.30am, v Australia; 3.45pm, v South Africa
Monday, September 18 – 2pm, v England; 7.15pm, v India
Tuesday, September 19 – 12.15pm, v Singapore; 5.30pm, v Sri Lanka
Thursday, September 21 – 2pm v Malaysia
Friday, September 22 – 3.30pm, semi-final
Saturday, September 23 – 3pm, grand final
Women
Saturday, September 16 – 5.15pm, v Australia
Sunday, September 17 – 2pm, v South Africa; 7.15pm, v New Zealand
Monday, September 18 – 5.30pm, v England
Tuesday, September 19 – 10.30am, v New Zealand; 3.45pm, v South Africa
Thursday, September 21 – 12.15pm, v Australia
Friday, September 22 – 1.30pm, semi-final
Saturday, September 23 – 1pm, grand final
SPEC%20SHEET%3A%20APPLE%20M3%20MACBOOK%20AIR%20(13%22)
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Dubai World Cup Carnival card
6.30pm: Al Maktoum Challenge Round-2 Group 1 (PA) US$75,000 (Dirt) 1,900m
7.05pm: Al Rashidiya Group 2 (TB) $250,000 (Turf) 1,800m
7.40pm: Meydan Cup Listed Handicap (TB) $175,000 (T) 2,810m
8.15pm: Handicap (TB) $175,000 (D) 1,600m
8.50pm: Handicap (TB) $135,000 (T) 1,600m
9.25pm: Al Shindagha Sprint Group 3 (TB) $200,000 (D) 1,200m
10pm: Handicap (TB) $135,000 (T) 2,000m
The National selections:
6.30pm - Ziyadd; 7.05pm - Barney Roy; 7.40pm - Dee Ex Bee; 8.15pm - Dubai Legacy; 8.50pm - Good Fortune; 9.25pm - Drafted; 10pm - Simsir
The Brutalist
Director: Brady Corbet
Stars: Adrien Brody, Felicity Jones, Guy Pearce, Joe Alwyn
Rating: 3.5/5
Petrarch: Everywhere a Wanderer
Christopher Celenza,
Reaktion Books
England v South Africa schedule:
- First Test: At Lord's, England won by 219 runs
- Second Test: July 14-18, Trent Bridge, Nottingham, 2pm
- Third Test: The Oval, London, July 27-31, 2pm
- Fourth Test: Old Trafford, Manchester, August 4-8
Teams
Punjabi Legends Owners: Inzamam-ul-Haq and Intizar-ul-Haq; Key player: Misbah-ul-Haq
Pakhtoons Owners: Habib Khan and Tajuddin Khan; Key player: Shahid Afridi
Maratha Arabians Owners: Sohail Khan, Ali Tumbi, Parvez Khan; Key player: Virender Sehwag
Bangla Tigers Owners: Shirajuddin Alam, Yasin Choudhary, Neelesh Bhatnager, Anis and Rizwan Sajan; Key player: TBC
Colombo Lions Owners: Sri Lanka Cricket; Key player: TBC
Kerala Kings Owners: Hussain Adam Ali and Shafi Ul Mulk; Key player: Eoin Morgan
Venue Sharjah Cricket Stadium
Format 10 overs per side, matches last for 90 minutes
Timeline October 25: Around 120 players to be entered into a draft, to be held in Dubai; December 21: Matches start; December 24: Finals
UAE v Ireland
1st ODI, UAE win by 6 wickets
2nd ODI, January 12
3rd ODI, January 14
4th ODI, January 16
Fitness problems in men's tennis
Andy Murray - hip
Novak Djokovic - elbow
Roger Federer - back
Stan Wawrinka - knee
Kei Nishikori - wrist
Marin Cilic - adductor
UAE v IRELAND
All matches start at 10am, and will be played in Abu Dhabi
1st ODI, Friday, January 8
2nd ODI, Sunday, January 10
3rd ODI, Tuesday, January 12
4th ODI, Thursday, January 14
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Kumulus Water
Started: 2021
Founders: Iheb Triki and Mohamed Ali Abid
Based: Tunisia
Sector: Water technology
Number of staff: 22
Investment raised: $4 million
What is Genes in Space?
Genes in Space is an annual competition first launched by the UAE Space Agency, The National and Boeing in 2015.
It challenges school pupils to design experiments to be conducted in space and it aims to encourage future talent for the UAE’s fledgling space industry. It is the first of its kind in the UAE and, as well as encouraging talent, it also aims to raise interest and awareness among the general population about space exploration.
SERIES SCHEDULE
First Test, Galle International Stadium
July 26-30
Second Test, Sinhalese Sports Club Ground
August 3-7
Third Test, Pallekele International Cricket Stadium
August 12-16
First ODI, Rangiri Dambulla International Stadium
August 20
Second ODI, Pallekele International Cricket Stadium
August 24
Third ODI, Pallekele International Cricket Stadium
August 27
Fourth ODI, R Premadasa Stadium
August 31
Fifth ODI, R Premadasa Stadium
September 3
T20, R Premadasa Stadium
September 6
A State of Passion
Directors: Carol Mansour and Muna Khalidi
Stars: Dr Ghassan Abu-Sittah
Rating: 4/5
How to donate
Send “thenational” to the following numbers or call the hotline on: 0502955999
2289 – Dh10
2252 – Dh 50
6025 – Dh20
6027 – Dh 100
6026 – Dh 200
SPECS
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EEngine%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E2-litre%204-cylinder%20petrol%20(V%20Class)%3B%20electric%20motor%20with%2060kW%20or%2090kW%20powerpack%20(EQV)%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPower%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20233hp%20(V%20Class%2C%20best%20option)%3B%20204hp%20(EQV%2C%20best%20option)%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ETorque%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20350Nm%20(V%20Class%2C%20best%20option)%3B%20TBA%20(EQV)%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EOn%20sale%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EMid-2024%0D%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EPrice%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ETBA%0D%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Tonight's Chat on The National
Tonight's Chat is a series of online conversations on The National. The series features a diverse range of celebrities, politicians and business leaders from around the Arab world.
Tonight’s Chat host Ricardo Karam is a renowned author and broadcaster with a decades-long career in TV. He has previously interviewed Bill Gates, Carlos Ghosn, Andre Agassi and the late Zaha Hadid, among others. Karam is also the founder of Takreem.
Intellectually curious and thought-provoking, Tonight’s Chat moves the conversation forward.
Facebook | Our website | Instagram
UAE rugby in numbers
5 - Year sponsorship deal between Hesco and Jebel Ali Dragons
700 - Dubai Hurricanes had more than 700 playing members last season between their mini and youth, men's and women's teams
Dh600,000 - Dubai Exiles' budget for pitch and court hire next season, for their rugby, netball and cricket teams
Dh1.8m - Dubai Hurricanes' overall budget for next season
Dh2.8m - Dubai Exiles’ overall budget for next season
The%20Emperor%20and%20the%20Elephant
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EAuthor%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3ESam%20Ottewill-Soulsby%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EPublisher%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EPrinceton%20University%20Press%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EPages%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E392%3C%2Fp%3E%0A%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3EAvailable%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3EJuly%2011%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
The specs: 2019 Infiniti QX50
Price, base: Dh138,000 (estimate)
Engine: 2.0L, turbocharged, in-line four-cylinder
Transmission: Continuously variable transmission
Power: 268hp @ 5,600rpm
Torque: 380Nm @ 4,400rpm
Fuel economy: 6.7L / 100km (estimate)
Titan Sports Academy:
Programmes: Judo, wrestling, kick-boxing, muay thai, taekwondo and various summer camps
Location: Inside Abu Dhabi City Golf Club, Al Mushrif, Abu Dhabi, UAE
Telephone: 971 50 220 0326
Results
2pm: Maiden (PA) Dh 40,000 (Dirt) 1,200m, Winner: AF Thayer, Tadhg O’Shea (jockey), Ernst Oertel (trainer).
2.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh 40,000 (D) 1,200m, Winner: AF Sahwa, Nathan Crosse, Mohamed Ramadan.
3pm: Handicap (PA) Dh 40,000 (D) 1,000m, Winner: AF Thobor, Szczepan Mazur, Ernst Oertel.
3.30pm: Handicap (PA) Dh 40,000 (D) 2,000m, Winner: AF Mezmar, Szczepan Mazur, Ernst Oertel.
4pm: Sheikh Hamdan bin Rashid Al Maktoum Cup presented by Longines (TB) Dh 200,000 (D) 1,700m, Winner: Galvanize, Nathan Cross, Doug Watson.
4.30pm: Handicap (PA) Dh 40,000 (D) 1,700m, Winner: Ajaj, Bernardo Pinheiro, Mohamed Daggash.
FIGHT CARD
Sara El Bakkali v Anisha Kadka (Lightweight, female)
Mohammed Adil Al Debi v Moaz Abdelgawad (Bantamweight)
Amir Boureslan v Mahmoud Zanouny (Welterweight)
Abrorbek Madaminbekov v Mohammed Al Katheeri (Featherweight)
Ibrahem Bilal v Emad Arafa (Super featherweight)
Ahmed Abdolaziz v Imad Essassi (Middleweight)
Milena Martinou v Ilham Bourakkadi (Bantamweight, female)
Noureddine El Agouti v Mohamed Mardi (Welterweight)
Nabil Ouach v Ymad Atrous (Middleweight)
Nouredin Samir v Zainalabid Dadachev (Lightweight)
Marlon Ribeiro v Mehdi Oubahammou (Welterweight)
Brad Stanton v Mohamed El Boukhari (Super welterweight
The bio
Who inspires you?
I am in awe of the remarkable women in the Arab region, both big and small, pushing boundaries and becoming role models for generations. Emily Nasrallah was a writer, journalist, teacher and women’s rights activist
How do you relax?
Yoga relaxes me and helps me relieve tension, especially now when we’re practically chained to laptops and desks. I enjoy learning more about music and the history of famous music bands and genres.
What is favourite book?
The Perks of Being a Wallflower - I think I've read it more than 7 times
What is your favourite Arabic film?
Hala2 Lawen (Translation: Where Do We Go Now?) by Nadine Labaki
What is favourite English film?
Mamma Mia
Best piece of advice to someone looking for a career at Google?
If you’re interested in a career at Google, deep dive into the different career paths and pinpoint the space you want to join. When you know your space, you’re likely to identify the skills you need to develop.
Key Points
- Protests against President Omar Al Bashir enter their sixth day
- Reports of President Bashir's resignation and arrests of senior government officials
About Proto21
Date started: May 2018
Founder: Pir Arkam
Based: Dubai
Sector: Additive manufacturing (aka, 3D printing)
Staff: 18
Funding: Invested, supported and partnered by Joseph Group
MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League semi-finals, first leg
Liverpool v Roma
When: April 24, 10.45pm kick-off (UAE)
Where: Anfield, Liverpool
Live: BeIN Sports HD
Second leg: May 2, Stadio Olimpico, Rome