It is an irony of the first order that as catwalk models get ever smaller and scrawnier, the accessories they're obliged to showcase have only grown in size. Exploded, actually. These days, you can't move in Paris and Milan for huge great earrings, massive shoulder-bags and vast cocktail rings that could double as offensive weapons should the need arise.
The upshot to all these gargantuan goings-on is a very peculiar combination indeed - with the constant concern that a handbag might swallow its mistress whole as she dives in to locate her mobile phone. I've seen young waiflets on the runways almost consumed by heavyweight headdresses, submerged in the hungry maw of their cashmere snoods, swamped by the enormous buckles of their colossal belts. Over the past few years, most designers agreed to send out shoes which looked like a couple of wedding cakes or telephone books, great blocks of satin and cork wedge, of triple-decker platform and multiple snakeskin straps, shoes that surely weighed substantially more than your average teenage model. Perched on these, they looked all the more insubstantial, like Lowry's stick people wearing clogs.
Perhaps that's the point. Mega-sized accessories will make any woman look comparatively slight. If we all wore tiny diamond studs and carried envelope bags tucked into the palm of our hands, then the truth would leak out; uncamouflaged by our enormous diversionary jewellery, there'd be nowhere to hide.
It's no surprise, then, that this is the season of the Statement Neckpiece. No mere necklace, this is a construct. A superstructure. Something that may well require planning permission and give shade on a sunny day. At Lanvin (where the jewellery is utterly divine these days, the very stuff of dreams), you'll find great metal ropes set with abundant gems and centred on starburst lozenges to sit fatly at the décolleté. Moschino and Dolce & Gabbana opted for outsize golden coin discs, worn in a confused jumble as if stolen in a hurry from the tarot table of Gypsy Rose Lee. Even Giorgio Armani, so long the soul of discretion, let rip with neck architecture, owing a visual debt to the Miami's deco frontages. My favourite, though, came from Bottega Veneta, where the neckpieces looked at once organic and metallic - a crumple of stonework and torn tin foil, like something disgorged from a car crusher.
No, it's not discreet. Not minimal. It's loud and bold and gutsy and a prime example of the sheer audacity and decorative expression of fashion right now. Sure, your clothes may whisper good taste, but your accessories will yell across a crowded room. Just don't go wearing everything all at once. If your necklace is making a statement, best give your earrings a rest. Let your shoes go incognito. You'll be better off giving your glorious necklace some breathing space. All the better to show it off to your envious friends.
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
The specs
Engine: 3-litre twin-turbo V6
Power: 400hp
Torque: 475Nm
Transmission: 9-speed automatic
Price: From Dh215,900
On sale: Now
The specs
Engine: 3.9-litre twin-turbo V8
Power: 620hp from 5,750-7,500rpm
Torque: 760Nm from 3,000-5,750rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed dual-clutch auto
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh1.05 million ($286,000)
Two products to make at home
Toilet cleaner
1 cup baking soda
1 cup castile soap
10-20 drops of lemon essential oil (or another oil of your choice)
Method:
1. Mix the baking soda and castile soap until you get a nice consistency.
2. Add the essential oil to the mix.
Air Freshener
100ml water
5 drops of the essential oil of your choice (note: lavender is a nice one for this)
Method:
1. Add water and oil to spray bottle to store.
2. Shake well before use.
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Fireball
Moscow claimed it hit the largest military fuel storage facility in Ukraine, triggering a huge fireball at the site.
A plume of black smoke rose from a fuel storage facility in the village of Kalynivka outside Kyiv on Friday after Russia said it had destroyed the military site with Kalibr cruise missiles.
"On the evening of March 24, Kalibr high-precision sea-based cruise missiles attacked a fuel base in the village of Kalynivka near Kyiv," the Russian defence ministry said in a statement.
Ukraine confirmed the strike, saying the village some 40 kilometres south-west of Kyiv was targeted.
Singham Again
Director: Rohit Shetty
Stars: Ajay Devgn, Kareena Kapoor Khan, Ranveer Singh, Akshay Kumar, Tiger Shroff, Deepika Padukone
Rating: 3/5
The specs
Engine: 77.4kW all-wheel-drive dual motor
Power: 320bhp
Torque: 605Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh219,000
On sale: Now
The specs
Engine: 2-litre or 3-litre 4Motion all-wheel-drive Power: 250Nm (2-litre); 340 (3-litre) Torque: 450Nm Transmission: 8-speed automatic Starting price: From Dh212,000 On sale: Now
If you go
Where to stay: Courtyard by Marriott Titusville Kennedy Space Centre has unparalleled views of the Indian River. Alligators can be spotted from hotel room balconies, as can several rocket launch sites. The hotel also boasts cool space-themed decor.
When to go: Florida is best experienced during the winter months, from November to May, before the humidity kicks in.
How to get there: Emirates currently flies from Dubai to Orlando five times a week.
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Qyubic
Started: October 2023
Founder: Namrata Raina
Based: Dubai
Sector: E-commerce
Current number of staff: 10
Investment stage: Pre-seed
Initial investment: Undisclosed
About Krews
Founder: Ahmed Al Qubaisi
Based: Abu Dhabi
Founded: January 2019
Number of employees: 10
Sector: Technology/Social media
Funding to date: Estimated $300,000 from Hub71 in-kind support
Kanguva
Director: Siva
Stars: Suriya, Bobby Deol, Disha Patani, Yogi Babu, Redin Kingsley
Cricket World Cup League 2
UAE squad
Rahul Chopra (captain), Aayan Afzal Khan, Ali Naseer, Aryansh Sharma, Basil Hameed, Dhruv Parashar, Junaid Siddique, Muhammad Farooq, Muhammad Jawadullah, Muhammad Waseem, Omid Rahman, Rahul Bhatia, Tanish Suri, Vishnu Sukumaran, Vriitya Aravind
Fixtures
Friday, November 1 – Oman v UAE
Sunday, November 3 – UAE v Netherlands
Thursday, November 7 – UAE v Oman
Saturday, November 9 – Netherlands v UAE
Shubh Mangal Saavdhan
Directed by: RS Prasanna
Starring: Ayushmann Khurrana, Bhumi Pednekar
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
Started: 2020
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
Based: Dubai, UAE
Sector: Entertainment
Number of staff: 210
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
Company%20Profile
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Pots for the Asian Qualifiers
Pot 1: Iran, Japan, South Korea, Australia, Qatar, United Arab Emirates, Saudi Arabia, China
Pot 2: Iraq, Uzbekistan, Syria, Oman, Lebanon, Kyrgyz Republic, Vietnam, Jordan
Pot 3: Palestine, India, Bahrain, Thailand, Tajikistan, North Korea, Chinese Taipei, Philippines
Pot 4: Turkmenistan, Myanmar, Hong Kong, Yemen, Afghanistan, Maldives, Kuwait, Malaysia
Pot 5: Indonesia, Singapore, Nepal, Cambodia, Bangladesh, Mongolia, Guam, Macau/Sri Lanka
Dubai Rugby Sevens
November 30-December 2, at The Sevens, Dubai
Gulf Under 19
Pool A – Abu Dhabi Harlequins, Jumeirah College Tigers, Dubai English Speaking School 1, Gems World Academy
Pool B – British School Al Khubairat, Bahrain Colts, Jumeirah College Lions, Dubai English Speaking School 2
Pool C - Dubai College A, Dubai Sharks, Jumeirah English Speaking School, Al Yasmina
Pool D – Dubai Exiles, Dubai Hurricanes, Al Ain Amblers, Deira International School
Coal Black Mornings
Brett Anderson
Little Brown Book Group
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COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
Yuki Means Happiness
Alison Jean Lester
John Murray