The place really has no business calling itself a city, considering its nowhere location, dwindling natural resources and population of transients whose first loyalty is to a pay cheque.
Yet Johannesburg not only continues to thrive, it is by far Africa's wealthiest city, and for Dubai it represents a glimpse of hope for a post-crisis future.
Johannesburg's beginnings lie in the fabulous gold boom of the late 19th century, when speculators could hope to kick over a rock and see a gleam of yellow. But soon enough the easy finds vanished beneath the spades of prospectors, and many expected the shanty city that had sprung up overnight to vanish; another Klondike or Eureka City.
Johannesburg certainly had little going for it (the name itself was an arbitrary decision by a couple of bureaucrats with the first name "Johannes", who were asked to lay out a temporary township). The city is 600km from the sea and its only river is so insignificant that most residents still mistake it for an open sewer.
Instead of dying, it grew. Former prospectors opened saloons, emporia and other small businesses. More importantly, they opened banks and eventually a stock exchange.
As with Dubai, the flood of foreigners brought money and skills, but they also undermined local mores and values. The Boer farmers who had tended cattle on the fertile land for a century watched in alarm as "uitlanders" - foreigners - brought prostitution, gambling, alcohol and other vices to their country.
The Boer president, Paul Kruger, a man who once amputated his thumb with a knife after a hunting accident and who prided himself on having read no book other than the Christian Bible, grew increasingly irritated at the flood of imported perversions.
Kruger's views brought him into conflict with the covetous British who, on the pretext of protecting their citizens from the "uncivilised" Boers, launched a war against the Dutch-speaking republic.
Dubai may not have lately endured a rampaging army but the savaging it has been given by the western media may seem no less gentle than regiments of Tommies.
In the years since, Johannesburg has survived the Great Depression as well as commodities boom-and-bust cycles. During the apartheid era, it endured foreign sanctions and sporadic social unrest. And since democracy, it has had to fend off competition from Cape Town, the graceful port city to the south.
But last year Johannesburg's GDP stood at US$110 billion (Dh404.03bn). Its economy, once dependent on gold, is now almost entirely based on the service industry and light manufacturing.
It has spawned a handful of companies that are world leaders in their sector: the miners BHP Billiton and Anglo American, the brewer SABMiller and the telecommunications player MTN are just a few of them.
The city's streets are lined with buildings that reflect the folly, pride and hopes of its builders. Johannesburg is nouveau and tasteless, critics with finer sensibilities like to say, a rebuke familiar to the builders of the tower blocks that line Sheikh Zayed Road. And yet Jo'burg's garish glass and concrete towers continue to hum with activity.
Its survival has always depended on its ability to turn an idea into a buck. Hardly a deal goes down in sub-Saharan Africa without the city having a piece of the action. Like Dubai, it is connected by a spaghetti-strand of airlinks to every major, and many of the minor, destinations within its economic sphere of interest.
Its possible in the leafy suburb of Norwood to see a couple of Israeli businessmen sit down over tea with a Lebanese contractor, or a Congolese diamond merchant huddled with a Belgian broker.
Its bankers finance transactions that include gold mines in Ghana and shopping malls in Kenya.
Central to Jo'burg's role as the financial capital of Africa, however, is its stock market, which turns over more than $1bn a day. And bonds traded are expected to value 17 trillion rand (Dh8.38bn) this year, Bloomberg says.
The scrappy overconfidence that took Johannesburg from a cluster of shacks to the city it is today is reflected in Dubai's own rise from a backwater to a town that cannot be ignored.
The emirate's recent financial and property troubles have dominated headlines in recent months, but it remains the most important trade and financial centre in the Middle East. Banks from Iran, India and the UK jostle to lend to contractors in Iraq, Iran and Morocco.
The NASDAQ Dubai, youthful though it is, appears determined to wrest capital-raising from the region's traditional source in London closer to home.
And sure, many who come here do so intending to leave as soon as possible, their pockets lined with dirhams.
But Dubai's youthful energy, combined with its ability to ease the path of deals throughout the region, make it likely to outlast the herd of critics now writing its obituary.
@Email:gduvenage@thenational.ae
Sanchez's club career
2005-2006: Cobreloa
2006-2011 Udinese
2006-2007 Colo-Colo (on loan)
2007-2008 River Plate (on loan)
2011-2014 Barcelona
2014–Present Arsenal
Tree of Hell
Starring: Raed Zeno, Hadi Awada, Dr Mohammad Abdalla
Director: Raed Zeno
Rating: 4/5
The specs
Engine: 2.7-litre 4-cylinder Turbomax
Power: 310hp
Torque: 583Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh192,500
On sale: Now
Mental%20health%20support%20in%20the%20UAE
%3Cp%3E%E2%97%8F%20Estijaba%20helpline%3A%208001717%3Cbr%3E%E2%97%8F%20UAE%20Ministry%20of%20Health%20and%20Prevention%20hotline%3A%20045192519%3Cbr%3E%E2%97%8F%20UAE%20Mental%20health%20support%20line%3A%20800%204673%20(Hope)%3Cbr%3EMore%20information%20at%20hope.hw.gov.ae%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Sweet%20Tooth
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SERIES INFO
Afghanistan v Zimbabwe, Abu Dhabi Sunshine Series
All matches at the Zayed Cricket Stadium, Abu Dhabi
Test series
1st Test: Zimbabwe beat Afghanistan by 10 wickets
2nd Test: Wednesday, 10 March – Sunday, 14 March
Play starts at 9.30am
T20 series
1st T20I: Wednesday, 17 March
2nd T20I: Friday, 19 March
3rd T20I: Saturday, 20 March
TV
Supporters in the UAE can watch the matches on the Rabbithole channel on YouTube
COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
OTHER IPL BOWLING RECORDS
Best bowling figures: 6-14 – Sohail Tanvir (for Rajasthan Royals against Chennai Super Kings in 2008)
Best average: 16.36 – Andrew Tye
Best economy rate: 6.53 – Sunil Narine
Best strike-rate: 12.83 – Andrew Tye
Best strike-rate in an innings: 1.50 – Suresh Raina (for Chennai Super Kings against Rajasthan Royals in 2011)
Most runs conceded in an innings: 70 – Basil Thampi (for Sunrisers Hyderabad against Royal Challengers Bangalore in 2018)
Most hat-tricks: 3 – Amit Mishra
Most dot-balls: 1,128 – Harbhajan Singh
Most maiden overs bowled: 14 – Praveen Kumar
Most four-wicket hauls: 6 – Sunil Narine
UAE%20Warriors%2045%20Results
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SPECS%3A%20Polestar%203
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APPLE IPAD MINI (A17 PRO)
Display: 21cm Liquid Retina Display, 2266 x 1488, 326ppi, 500 nits
Chip: Apple A17 Pro, 6-core CPU, 5-core GPU, 16-core Neural Engine
Storage: 128/256/512GB
Main camera: 12MP wide, f/1.8, digital zoom up to 5x, Smart HDR 4
Front camera: 12MP ultra-wide, f/2.4, Smart HDR 4, full-HD @ 25/30/60fps
Biometrics: Touch ID, Face ID
Colours: Blue, purple, space grey, starlight
In the box: iPad mini, USB-C cable, 20W USB-C power adapter
Price: From Dh2,099
match info
Maratha Arabians 138-2
C Lynn 91*, A Lyth 20, B Laughlin 1-15
Team Abu Dhabi 114-3
L Wright 40*, L Malinga 0-13, M McClenaghan 1-17
Maratha Arabians won by 24 runs
Pathaan
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Cricket World Cup League 2
UAE squad
Rahul Chopra (captain), Aayan Afzal Khan, Ali Naseer, Aryansh Sharma, Basil Hameed, Dhruv Parashar, Junaid Siddique, Muhammad Farooq, Muhammad Jawadullah, Muhammad Waseem, Omid Rahman, Rahul Bhatia, Tanish Suri, Vishnu Sukumaran, Vriitya Aravind
Fixtures
Friday, November 1 – Oman v UAE
Sunday, November 3 – UAE v Netherlands
Thursday, November 7 – UAE v Oman
Saturday, November 9 – Netherlands v UAE
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Almnssa
Started: August 2020
Founder: Areej Selmi
Based: Gaza
Sectors: Internet, e-commerce
Investments: Grants/private funding
The specs
Engine: 2-litre or 3-litre 4Motion all-wheel-drive Power: 250Nm (2-litre); 340 (3-litre) Torque: 450Nm Transmission: 8-speed automatic Starting price: From Dh212,000 On sale: Now
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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