Whenever a particularly noxious odour is detected in our house somebody invariably blames our five-year-old chocolate Labrador, Nogs.
It is usually clear that Nogs is not the culprit, but she takes the blame, dutifully casting her eyes downwards in shame before skulking off to lie under the dining room table.
Blaming the dog does nothing to improve the domestic atmosphere but somehow it makes everyone feel better and, of course, disguises the identity of the true culprit.
This week Standard & Poor's, the global ratings agency, took on the role of the world's family dog as it was blamed for the financial bad smell permeating credit markets and for causing the global financial meltdown that has dogged us all for the past five years.
The United States government has filed a civil lawsuit against the ratings agency claiming fraud and demanding US$5 billion (Dh18.37bn) in reparations - almost equivalent to all of S&Ps' profits for the past seven years.
The government claims that S&P wilfully and fraudulently affixed AAA credit ratings to products that were in fact linked to subprime mortgages that were in turn highly likely to default and therefore not eligible for such a copper bottomed rating.
It is true that S&P - just like the other ratings agencies Moody's and Fitch - did give overly optimistic credit ratings to subprime mortgage backed products. The company has admitted as much for years. Whether it did so fraudulently is, I think, almost impossible to determine and highly unlikely.
S&P, of course, is vigorously defending its position, largely with the claim that it got things very wrong, but then so did everyone else, not least the US government, whom nobody is suing for $5bn.
It also makes the point that it does not provide insurance for investors with its credit ratings. It says it is in fact a publishing company that publishes opinions about possible events in the future and how likely they are to occur. An S&P credit rating is no substitute for the old maxim of caveat emptor - buyer beware.
The other side argues, however, that in taking as much as $750,000 from each of the toxic bond issuers in fees, S&P is indeed liable to take some of the blame and that the free speech defence at the centre of its "publisher of opinions" argument is flimsy at best.
I think S&P was foolhardy, profit motivated and blinded by the housing bubble that dominated the first decade of this century. But then again, weren't we all?
From the poor, some would say greedy, mortgage holder who borrowed far more money than he was able to pay back to buy a house well beyond his means; to the mortgage brokers who peddled them; to the lenders who employed the mortgage brokers and the investment banks who created the collateralised debt obligations; to the ratings agencies who helped to sell them with credit ratings. They all got it wrong.
And let us not forget the governments, not just the US government, who relaxed regulations to such an extent that such toxic bundles of worthless debt were allowed to be created.
All of these players, S&P included, need reining in with stricter regulation. Actual watchdogs are needed to monitor such new and exotic investment products properly to prevent them coming to market in the first place.
There have been a raft of new laws designed to deter the ratings agencies from being so optimistic in an attempt to prevent a similar event in the future. But as we have so often seen, it is the lack of a watchdog with real teeth that is the principle failure of financial market regulation all over the world.
What will doubtless follow this latest S&P case - as with the 13 other cases filed by individual US states at the same time - is years and years of very costly legal wrangling. Months of talks over a settlement have already come to nought and legal experts all over the world agree the US case is far from cast iron.
So stop blaming the dog for the terrible smell in the financial markets and open a window.
We don't need to apportion more blame, we need to build a less toxic environment in which to do business so we can put the wasted years of financial ruin behind us.
jdoran@thenational.ae
Paris Can Wait
Dir: Eleanor Coppola
Starring: Alec Baldwin, Diane Lane, Arnaud Viard
Two stars
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Tottenham's 10 biggest transfers (according to transfermarkt.com):
1). Moussa Sissokho - Newcastle United - £30 million (Dh143m): Flop
2). Roberto Soldado - Valencia - £25m: Flop
3). Erik Lamela - Roma - £25m: Jury still out
4). Son Heung-min - Bayer Leverkusen - £25m: Success
5). Darren Bent - Charlton Athletic - £21m: Flop
6). Vincent Janssen - AZ Alkmaar - £18m: Flop
7). David Bentley - Blackburn Rovers - £18m: Flop
8). Luka Modric - Dynamo Zagreb - £17m: Success
9). Paulinho - Corinthians - £16m: Flop
10). Mousa Dembele - Fulham - £16m: Success
Wicked
Director: Jon M Chu
Stars: Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jonathan Bailey
German plea
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy told the German parliament that. Russia had erected a new wall across Europe.
"It's not a Berlin Wall -- it is a Wall in central Europe between freedom and bondage and this Wall is growing bigger with every bomb" dropped on Ukraine, Zelenskyy told MPs.
Mr Zelenskyy was applauded by MPs in the Bundestag as he addressed Chancellor Olaf Scholz directly.
"Dear Mr Scholz, tear down this Wall," he said, evoking US President Ronald Reagan's 1987 appeal to Soviet leader Mikhail Gorbachev at Berlin's Brandenburg Gate.
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COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
Started: 2020
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
Based: Dubai, UAE
Sector: Entertainment
Number of staff: 210
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
Take Me Apart
Kelela
(Warp)
The specs
Engine: 4.0-litre, six-cylinder
Transmission: six-speed manual
Power: 395bhp
Torque: 420Nm
Price: from Dh321,200
On sale: now
The specs
Engine: 2-litre 4-cylinder and 3.6-litre 6-cylinder
Power: 220 and 280 horsepower
Torque: 350 and 360Nm
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Price: from Dh136,521 VAT and Dh166,464 VAT
On sale: now
Profile box
Company name: baraka
Started: July 2020
Founders: Feras Jalbout and Kunal Taneja
Based: Dubai and Bahrain
Sector: FinTech
Initial investment: $150,000
Current staff: 12
Stage: Pre-seed capital raising of $1 million
Investors: Class 5 Global, FJ Labs, IMO Ventures, The Community Fund, VentureSouq, Fox Ventures, Dr Abdulla Elyas (private investment)
From Zero
Artist: Linkin Park
Label: Warner Records
Number of tracks: 11
Rating: 4/5
The specs
Engine: 4 liquid-cooled permanent magnet synchronous electric motors placed at each wheel
Battery: Rimac 120kWh Lithium Nickel Manganese Cobalt Oxide (LiNiMnCoO2) chemistry
Power: 1877bhp
Torque: 2300Nm
Price: Dh7,500,00
On sale: Now
Electoral College Victory
Trump has so far secured 295 Electoral College votes, according to the Associated Press, exceeding the 270 needed to win. Only Nevada and Arizona remain to be called, and both swing states are leaning Republican. Trump swept all five remaining swing states, North Carolina, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin, sealing his path to victory and giving him a strong mandate.
Popular Vote Tally
The count is ongoing, but Trump currently leads with nearly 51 per cent of the popular vote to Harris’s 47.6 per cent. Trump has over 72.2 million votes, while Harris trails with approximately 67.4 million.
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cylinder petrol
Power: 154bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Transmission: 7-speed automatic with 8-speed sports option
Price: From Dh79,600
On sale: Now
Specs
Engine: 3.0L twin-turbo V6
Gearbox: 10-speed automatic
Power: 405hp at 5,500rpm
Torque: 562Nm at 3,000rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 11.2L/100km
Price: From Dh292,845 (Reserve); from Dh320,145 (Presidential)
On sale: Now
If you go
Where to stay: Courtyard by Marriott Titusville Kennedy Space Centre has unparalleled views of the Indian River. Alligators can be spotted from hotel room balconies, as can several rocket launch sites. The hotel also boasts cool space-themed decor.
When to go: Florida is best experienced during the winter months, from November to May, before the humidity kicks in.
How to get there: Emirates currently flies from Dubai to Orlando five times a week.
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Kanguva
Director: Siva
Stars: Suriya, Bobby Deol, Disha Patani, Yogi Babu, Redin Kingsley
Racecard
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