Do come to Britain - but then please go home again



It's official. The worst-kept secret in Britain has finally been confirmed by official statistics: after English, Polish is now the most commonly spoken language in England.

For those of us living in the UK's towns and cities, rather than the elite office suites of Whitehall, the only surprise here is that it has taken so long to confirm what we already knew. Perhaps we shouldn't be so surprised, for the only polish in Downing Street is the sort used to shine the tabletops.

Here on other streets of the country, by contrast, the proliferation of Eastern European culture has been evident for some years.

Since 2004, when Poland was admitted to the EU, hundreds of thousands of its citizens have flooded into the UK, making their homes here, creating new wealth and prosperity, and sending welcome remittances to their families back home.

The arrival of so many newcomers has also proved to be a blessing for the natives, for without the influx of this stoic, industrious workforce, our national infrastructure would have gone down the plughole long ago.

Nowadays if you want repairs to your house, it's Polish builders who are most likely to turn up and do a decent job. In North London where I live, our weekly refuse is collected by people more familiar with Gdansk or Kraków than Hampstead or Wembley. Even our local hospital is operated by nurses and doctors from Poland, Lithuania and Latvia.

I myself have the ultimate badge of middle-class affluence - a Polish cleaner. Dana works mightily hard each week to transform the municipal tip which is my home back into a thing of joy and beauty: she never lets me down, is uniformly cheerful, and on her rare forays back to Warsaw to see her family (a trip she inevitably makes via a gruelling two-day car ride, to save the cost of a plane ticket) she invariably brings me back a present, be it a jar of honey or some chocolates.

But in truth, while Britain's major conurbations have been able to absorb the influx without difficulty, some rural areas have felt themselves overwhelmed by the number of newcomers.

My 83-year-old friend Phyllis who lives in the town of Boston, in rural Lincolnshire, tells me she has seen a virtual transformation of the town she grew up in.

There are now 7,000 residents from eastern European countries residing and working in this sleepy market town. That means the newcomers account for nearly one in 10 of the local population. But with no extra resources available to deal with them, the local service infrastructure has been stretched to breaking point.

Well, it's about to get worse. With the imminent change in EU immigration controls, the UK is now bracing for another influx of workers, from Romania and Bulgaria this time. They are eager to sample life in this country, and you can see why: the minimum hourly wage here is £6.19 (Dh35.7), around six times greater than in their homelands. And in the UK, it is widely rumoured back home, the social security system will pay your bills should you run into financial difficulties.

Some surveys suggest that up to 100,000 extra people per year may make the trip from those two countries. So it is no wonder that Government ministers are said to be contemplating a "negative ad" campaign" to put off would-be immigrants.

How odd. For the last three decades, Britain has been busting a gut to advertise itself to tourists as a land of plenty for foreigners, a message that reached its highest volume during last summer's Olympic Games. But foreigners, welcome as tourists, are now to be told they are not so welcome as immigrants. Unless they are billionaires or wish to purchase a football club, we'd rather foreigners remain foreigners. One minister was quoted as saying that the message of the ads would be simply "to correct the impression that the streets are paved with gold."

Of course, many foreign workers already know this to be the case, simply because they're the ones having to clean the streets in the first place.

So what might we expect from these commercials? Having extolled Britain as a land of milk and honey for so long, is it possible to reverse your corporate cultural message and yet keep a straight face?

Well fortunately there's still plenty of old Britain to moan about, untouched by either spin doctors or global warming: No jobs, dilapidated housing, a rising cost of living, snowdrifts, droughts and floods, beefburgers that contain horsemeat, a nation in which the only two subjects of conversation are weather and whether (whether Manchester United or Manchester City will win the Premier league, that is) and a culture in which urban unrest jostles with the latest exploits of teenage celebrity wanabees as the only reference point for anyone younger than 25.

The reality is, of course, somewhere between the two versions. Britain is now a far more tolerant place than it used to be. But it's also less courteous, more grasping, and far less deferential to age and authority than it once was.

Still, if all else fails, the admen can always call upon that ultimate bastion of British life to dissuade people from settling. It was Alan Ayckbourn who said put three Englishmen on a desert island, and within an hour they'll have invented a class system. However much we might like to think of ourselves as a role model of modern democracy, the class divide will be the one unique aspect of life here in the UK which will forever remain exclusively our own - and utterly bewildering for those from abroad.

Michael Simkins is an actor and writer based in London

On Twitter: @michael_simkins

UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Our family matters legal consultant

 

Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais

Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.

The specs

  Engine: 2-litre or 3-litre 4Motion all-wheel-drive Power: 250Nm (2-litre); 340 (3-litre) Torque: 450Nm Transmission: 8-speed automatic Starting price: From Dh212,000 On sale: Now

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Libya's Gold

UN Panel of Experts found regime secretly sold a fifth of the country's gold reserves. 

The panel’s 2017 report followed a trail to West Africa where large sums of cash and gold were hidden by Abdullah Al Senussi, Qaddafi’s former intelligence chief, in 2011.

Cases filled with cash that was said to amount to $560m in 100 dollar notes, that was kept by a group of Libyans in Ouagadougou, Burkina Faso.

A second stash was said to have been held in Accra, Ghana, inside boxes at the local offices of an international human rights organisation based in France.

TO A LAND UNKNOWN

Director: Mahdi Fleifel

Starring: Mahmoud Bakri, Aram Sabbah, Mohammad Alsurafa

Rating: 4.5/5

Take Me Apart

Kelela

(Warp)

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Race card:

6.30pm: Baniyas (PA) Group 2 Dh195,000 1,400m.

7.05pm: Maiden (TB) Dh165,000 1,400m.

7.40pm: Handicap (TB) Dh190,000 1,200m.

8.15pm: Maiden (TB) Dh165,000 1,200m.

8.50pm: Rated Conditions (TB) Dh240,000 1,600m.

9.20pm: Handicap (TB) Dh165,000 1,400m.

10pm: Handicap (TB) Dh175,000 2,000m.

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Where to donate in the UAE

The Emirates Charity Portal

You can donate to several registered charities through a “donation catalogue”. The use of the donation is quite specific, such as buying a fan for a poor family in Niger for Dh130.

The General Authority of Islamic Affairs & Endowments

The site has an e-donation service accepting debit card, credit card or e-Dirham, an electronic payment tool developed by the Ministry of Finance and First Abu Dhabi Bank.

Al Noor Special Needs Centre

You can donate online or order Smiles n’ Stuff products handcrafted by Al Noor students. The centre publishes a wish list of extras needed, starting at Dh500.

Beit Al Khair Society

Beit Al Khair Society has the motto “From – and to – the UAE,” with donations going towards the neediest in the country. Its website has a list of physical donation sites, but people can also contribute money by SMS, bank transfer and through the hotline 800-22554.

Dar Al Ber Society

Dar Al Ber Society, which has charity projects in 39 countries, accept cash payments, money transfers or SMS donations. Its donation hotline is 800-79.

Dubai Cares

Dubai Cares provides several options for individuals and companies to donate, including online, through banks, at retail outlets, via phone and by purchasing Dubai Cares branded merchandise. It is currently running a campaign called Bookings 2030, which allows people to help change the future of six underprivileged children and young people.

Emirates Airline Foundation

Those who travel on Emirates have undoubtedly seen the little donation envelopes in the seat pockets. But the foundation also accepts donations online and in the form of Skywards Miles. Donated miles are used to sponsor travel for doctors, surgeons, engineers and other professionals volunteering on humanitarian missions around the world.

Emirates Red Crescent

On the Emirates Red Crescent website you can choose between 35 different purposes for your donation, such as providing food for fasters, supporting debtors and contributing to a refugee women fund. It also has a list of bank accounts for each donation type.

Gulf for Good

Gulf for Good raises funds for partner charity projects through challenges, like climbing Kilimanjaro and cycling through Thailand. This year’s projects are in partnership with Street Child Nepal, Larchfield Kids, the Foundation for African Empowerment and SOS Children's Villages. Since 2001, the organisation has raised more than $3.5 million (Dh12.8m) in support of over 50 children’s charities.

Noor Dubai Foundation

Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum launched the Noor Dubai Foundation a decade ago with the aim of eliminating all forms of preventable blindness globally. You can donate Dh50 to support mobile eye camps by texting the word “Noor” to 4565 (Etisalat) or 4849 (du).

Our family matters legal consultant

Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais

Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.

The specs

Engine: Four electric motors, one at each wheel

Power: 579hp

Torque: 859Nm

Transmission: Single-speed automatic

Price: From Dh825,900

On sale: Now

What is double taxation?
  • Americans living abroad file taxes with the Internal Revenue Service, which can cost hundreds of dollars to complete even though about 60 per cent do not owe taxes, according to the Taxpayer Advocate Service
  • Those obligations apply to millions of Americans residing overseas – estimates range from 3.9 million to 5.5 million – including so-called "accidental Americans" who are unaware they hold dual citizenship
  • The double taxation policy has been a contentious issue for decades, with many overseas Americans feeling that it punishes them for pursuing opportunities abroad
  • Unlike most countries, the US follows a citizenship-based taxation system, meaning that Americans must file taxes annually, even if they do not earn any income in the US.
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COMPANY%20PROFILE
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Business Insights
  • Canada and Mexico are significant energy suppliers to the US, providing the majority of oil and natural gas imports
  • The introduction of tariffs could hinder the US's clean energy initiatives by raising input costs for materials like nickel
  • US domestic suppliers might benefit from higher prices, but overall oil consumption is expected to decrease due to elevated costs
Company%20Profile
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Company%20Profile
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Results

4.30pm Jebel Jais – Maiden (PA) Dh60,000 (Turf) 1,000m; Winner: MM Al Balqaa, Bernardo Pinheiro (jockey), Qaiss Aboud (trainer)

5pm: Jabel Faya – Maiden (PA) Dh60,000 (T) 1,000m; Winner: AF Rasam, Tadhg O’Shea, Ernst Oertel

5.30pm: Al Wathba Stallions Cup – Handicap (PA) Dh70,000 (T) 2,200m; Winner: AF Mukhrej, Tadhg O’Shea, Ernst Oertel

6pm: The President’s Cup Prep – Conditions (PA) Dh100,000 (T) 2,200m; Winner: Mujeeb, Richard Mullen, Salem Al Ketbi

6.30pm: Abu Dhabi Equestrian Club – Prestige (PA) Dh125,000 (T) 1,600m; Winner: Jawal Al Reef, Antonio Fresu, Abubakar Daud

7pm: Al Ruwais – Group 3 (PA) Dh300,000 (T) 1,200m; Winner: Ashton Tourettes, Pat Dobbs, Ibrahim Aseel

7.30pm: Jebel Hafeet – Maiden (TB) Dh80,000 (T) 1,400m; Winner: Nibraas, Richard Mullen, Nicholas Bachalard