The Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, promises Britain will host the 2012 Olympic games "in our own sweet way," which I took as a heavy hint to the rest of the world that we had no intention of following the Chinese in spending billions of dollars on fireworks. Sorry, rest of the world, fireworks are very much their thing in China, and it would be unwise - and very expensive - for us to try and compete.
Continuing to read Boris's sub-text, I suspect he is also ceding superiority to Beijing in the area of spectacular mass drumming displays at opening and closing ceremonies.
But the Mayor's manifesto has set one or two of us thinking what exactly "our own sweet way" is here in Britain.
The Chinese clearly have a gift for epic projects that is denied us. It is what China is famous for. I remember a football commentary once on a match involving China, in which their opponents, awarded a free-kick on the edge of the penalty area, effortlessly curled the ball round the defenders and into the back of the net. "You would think," complained the commentator, "if any country could organise a decent wall, it would be China."
The Great Wall, you see, is the iconic representation of China - I bet they brought it in on budget, too - supposedly the one man-made structure visible from space, although I think that might be popular myth. It is part of China's tradition to think big, and follow it through.
In Britain it is more about muddling through. Big projects like the Millennium Dome and the new Wembley Stadium have only recently found a role for themselves - the Dome as the O2 Arena - years late and massively over budget. The surprise is that the London bus scheduled for the Olympic handover in Beijing actually arrived on time.
As far as the Olympics are concerned, we are already three times over budget in the UK, our tab currently standing at £9.3 billion before we have bought so much as a sparkler, or made a 'phone call to Phil Collins in Geneva to see how he is fixed for August 2012.
Boris, one supposes, is reluctant to place further burdens on British taxpayers, who are facing a recession. What is more, with his Conservatives likely to form Britain's next government, he is not about to sign any cheques David Cameron will not be able to honour. So I think it is safe to assume that "our own sweet way" really means our own cheap way.
Frankly, after paying for the facilities, there is not much left for opening and closing shindigs. But, I have a few suggestions for competitively priced statements Britain might make to the world.
My first idea was simply to have our gold medal winners from Beijing saunter into the arena, nonchalantly swinging their medals around, and carrying a placard with the slogan: Stuff You Australia. But let us not be petty. I am sure we can find an equally economical way to welcome the world to London.
Many of the ideas currently floating around involve pop and rock music, as if that were our great gift to civilisation. But my view is that groups like the Beatles and the Rolling Stones merely took an American music and popularised it.
Comedy is really our gift to the world. Charlie Chaplin and Stan Laurel, who more or less invented the business, came from Britain, as did the godfather of stand-up, Bob Hope. So for the opening ceremony I envisage phalanxes of performers in bowler hats in a giant messy custard pie fight; and spelled out in the sky in supermarket fireworks, words which are never far from the lips of a true Brit, and may serve as a slogan for spectators waiting for a tube to take them to the games: Mustn't Grumble.
sports@thenational.ae
Company%20Profile
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List of alleged parties
- May 15 2020: Boris Johnson is said to have attended a Downing Street pizza party
- 27 Nov 2020: PM gives speech at leaving do for his staff
- Dec 10 2020: Staff party held by then-education secretary Gavin Williamson
- Dec 13 2020: Mr Johnson and his then-fiancee Carrie Symonds throw a flat party
- Dec 14 2020: Shaun Bailey holds staff party at Conservative Party headquarters
- Dec 15 2020: PM takes part in a staff quiz
- Dec 18 2020: Downing Street Christmas party
Electoral College Victory
Trump has so far secured 295 Electoral College votes, according to the Associated Press, exceeding the 270 needed to win. Only Nevada and Arizona remain to be called, and both swing states are leaning Republican. Trump swept all five remaining swing states, North Carolina, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin, sealing his path to victory and giving him a strong mandate.
Popular Vote Tally
The count is ongoing, but Trump currently leads with nearly 51 per cent of the popular vote to Harris’s 47.6 per cent. Trump has over 72.2 million votes, while Harris trails with approximately 67.4 million.
THE SPECS
Engine: 3-litre V6
Transmission: eight-speed automatic
Power: 424hp
Torque: 580 Nm
Price: From Dh399,000
On sale: Now
AndhaDhun
Director: Sriram Raghavan
Producer: Matchbox Pictures, Viacom18
Cast: Ayushmann Khurrana, Tabu, Radhika Apte, Anil Dhawan
Rating: 3.5/5
Wicked
Director: Jon M Chu
Stars: Cynthia Erivo, Ariana Grande, Jonathan Bailey
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Citadel: Honey Bunny first episode
Directors: Raj & DK
Stars: Varun Dhawan, Samantha Ruth Prabhu, Kashvi Majmundar, Kay Kay Menon
Rating: 4/5
Origin
Dan Brown
Doubleday
Nayanthara: Beyond The Fairy Tale
Starring: Nayanthara, Vignesh Shivan, Radhika Sarathkumar, Nagarjuna Akkineni
Director: Amith Krishnan
Rating: 3.5/5
Business Insights
- As per the document, there are six filing options, including choosing to report on a realisation basis and transitional rules for pre-tax period gains or losses.
- SMEs with revenue below Dh3 million per annum can opt for transitional relief until 2026, treating them as having no taxable income.
- Larger entities have specific provisions for asset and liability movements, business restructuring, and handling foreign permanent establishments.
If you go
Where to stay: Courtyard by Marriott Titusville Kennedy Space Centre has unparalleled views of the Indian River. Alligators can be spotted from hotel room balconies, as can several rocket launch sites. The hotel also boasts cool space-themed decor.
When to go: Florida is best experienced during the winter months, from November to May, before the humidity kicks in.
How to get there: Emirates currently flies from Dubai to Orlando five times a week.
The specs
Engine: 2.0-litre four-cylinder turbo
Power: 178hp at 5,500rpm
Torque: 280Nm at 1,350-4,200rpm
Transmission: seven-speed dual-clutch auto
Price: from Dh209,000
On sale: now
A Bad Moms Christmas
Dir: John Lucas and Scott Moore
Starring: Mila Kunis, Kathryn Hahn, Kristen Bell, Susan Sarandon, Christine Baranski, Cheryl Hines
Two stars
COMPANY PROFILE
Founders: Alhaan Ahmed, Alyina Ahmed and Maximo Tettamanzi
Total funding: Self funded
COMPANY%20PROFILE
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How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
WORLD RECORD FEES FOR GOALKEEPERS
1) Kepa Arrizabalaga, Athletic Bilbao to Chelsea (£72m)
2) Alisson, Roma to Liverpool (£67m)
3) Ederson, Benfica to Manchester City (£35m)
4) Gianluigi Buffon, Parma to Juventus (£33m)
5) Angelo Peruzzi, Inter Milan to Lazio (£15.7m
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COMPANY PROFILE
Name: HyperSpace
Started: 2020
Founders: Alexander Heller, Rama Allen and Desi Gonzalez
Based: Dubai, UAE
Sector: Entertainment
Number of staff: 210
Investment raised: $75 million from investors including Galaxy Interactive, Riyadh Season, Sega Ventures and Apis Venture Partners
THE SPECS
Engine: 6.75-litre twin-turbocharged V12 petrol engine
Power: 420kW
Torque: 780Nm
Transmission: 8-speed automatic
Price: From Dh1,350,000
On sale: Available for preorder now
2024%20Dubai%20Marathon%20Results
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Company%20Profile
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Disclaimer
Director: Alfonso Cuaron
Stars: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Kline, Lesley Manville
Rating: 4/5
PROFILE OF HALAN
Started: November 2017
Founders: Mounir Nakhla, Ahmed Mohsen and Mohamed Aboulnaga
Based: Cairo, Egypt
Sector: transport and logistics
Size: 150 employees
Investment: approximately $8 million
Investors include: Singapore’s Battery Road Digital Holdings, Egypt’s Algebra Ventures, Uber co-founder and former CTO Oscar Salazar
The biog:
Favourite book: The Leader Who Had No Title by Robin Sharma
Pet Peeve: Racism
Proudest moment: Graduating from Sorbonne
What puts her off: Dishonesty in all its forms
Happiest period in her life: The beginning of her 30s
Favourite movie: "I have two. The Pursuit of Happiness and Homeless to Harvard"
Role model: Everyone. A child can be my role model
Slogan: The queen of peace, love and positive energy
FIGHT CARD
Bantamweight Hamza Bougamza (MAR) v Jalal Al Daaja (JOR)
Catchweight 67kg Mohamed El Mesbahi (MAR) v Fouad Mesdari (ALG)
Lighweight Abdullah Mohammed Ali (UAE) v Abdelhak Amhidra (MAR)
Catchweight 73kg Mostafa Ibrahim Radi (PAL) v Yazid Chouchane (ALG)
Middleweight Yousri Belgaroui (TUN) v Badreddine Diani (MAR)
Catchweight 78kg Rashed Dawood (UAE) v Adnan Bushashy (ALG)
Middleweight Sallaheddine Dekhissi (MAR) v Abdel Emam (EGY)
Catchweight 65kg Rachid Hazoume (MAR) v Yanis Ghemmouri (ALG)
Lighweight Mohammed Yahya (UAE) v Azouz Anwar (EGY)
Catchweight 79kg Omar Hussein (PAL) v Souhil Tahiri (ALG)
Middleweight Tarek Suleiman (SYR) v Laid Zerhouni (ALG)
Jiu-jitsu calendar of events for 2017-2018:
August 5:
Round-1 of the President’s Cup in Al Ain.
August 11-13:
Asian Championship in Vietnam.
September 8-9:
Ajman International.
September 16-17
Asian Indoor and Martial Arts Games, Ashgabat.
September 22-24:
IJJF Balkan Junior Open, Montenegro.
September 23-24:
Grand Slam Los Angeles.
September 29:
Round-1 Mother of The Nation Cup.
October 13-14:
Al Ain U18 International.
September 20-21:
Al Ain International.
November 3:
Round-2 Mother of The National Cup.
November 4:
Round-2 President’s Cup.
November 10-12:
Grand Slam Rio de Janeiro.
November 24-26:
World Championship, Columbia.
November 30:
World Beach Championship, Columbia.
December 8-9:
Dubai International.
December 23:
Round-3 President’s Cup, Sharjah.
January 12-13:
Grand Slam Abu Dhabi.
January 26-27:
Fujairah International.
February 3:
Round-4 President’s Cup, Al Dhafra.
February 16-17:
Ras Al Khaimah International.
February 23-24:
The Challenge Championship.
March 10-11:
Grand Slam London.
March 16:
Final Round – Mother of The Nation.
March 17:
Final Round – President’s Cup.