Cricket widows, kiss goodbye to your other half and, probably more importantly, the television remote control. It is back on again.
You will see them again in about seven weeks' time, by which stage they are likely to be looking haggard and a little frayed. You remember what it was like in 2005.
It did not need to be like this. Chances are, had Paul Collingwood not proved as immovable as chewing gum on the soles of your favourite pair of trainers, he would have been begging you to change the channel to Ten Years Younger, or something similar, come Thursday. Anything but the cricket, and those remorseless Australian batsmen.
Alas, now there is hope for the English cricketing couch potato. It is a fate far worse than defeat.
Collingwood is the hero or the anti-hero, depending on your standpoint. After saving the opening Test, his captain Andrew Strauss termed him the "tenacious red-head", thereby inferring that Ashes cricket comes a lot easier to those who bear a passing resemblance to Jim Courier.
For most of Sunday, the Durham batsman was all that stood between Showtime viewers and the final episode of Prison Break.
The way England's top order batted, they must have been keen on catching the 7pm showing. Kevin Pietersen, who took a cricket bat with him to the crease for no obvious reason, seemed to be in a particular rush.
Andrew Flintoff, surprisingly, Graeme Swann, doughtily, and Collingwood, heroically, had other ideas.
When it became apparent that even the 9pm episode was in doubt, it seemed a battle of criminal masterminds over who could pull off The Greatest Escape first - Collingwood or Michael Scofield - was in the offing. The England player earned an MBE four years ago for services to Barnacle Batsmanship. Wentworth Miller's alter ego has proved himself adept, too, over the years. But was getting out of Sona really any more taxing than facing Nathan Hauritz and Marcus North on a worn fifth-day pitch at Sophia Gardens?
Perhaps unknowingly, England's supporters even adopted the theme. They do not usually need a second invitation to perform a rendition of the theme tune to 'The Great Escape'. It is one of the Barmy Army's anthems, but even the Barmies did not dare believe England could do it, so precarious was their position for the majority of Sunday.
The first strains broke out just after tea on the final evening, when Collingwood's dead-bat rearguard made the impossible seem within grasp.
Then he fell, at 9.03pm (UAE time). Just five channels away, Scofield was still plotting, for the umpteenth time, the best route to safety for wife Tancredi and brother Linc the Sink.
And so the question emerged again. Stick with Monty Panesar and Jimmy Anderson in the vain hope they can marshal 37 minutes of Australia's finest bowlers? Or swap to PB, where Scofield faced the eminently more manageable task of breaking in to Miami Dade Prison for Women, then back out again, giving half of the United States law enforcement staff the slip, all while contending with a headache?
A text arrived to assist with the quandary. "Got to love Monty. Prancing around like Bambi on ice. Someone please end this. It's painful."
How could the Sikh of Tweak ever be doubted? Displaying an unrecognisably robust forward defence, Panesar guided the home side back from the brink to square the series at 0-0.
Then he eulogised about Collingwood: "It was amazing batting what he did today." Note: change the channel next time for some more realistic dialogue.
pradley@thenational.ae
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Company%20profile
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The specs: 2018 Mercedes-Benz E 300 Cabriolet
Price, base / as tested: Dh275,250 / Dh328,465
Engine: 2.0-litre four-cylinder
Power: 245hp @ 5,500rpm
Torque: 370Nm @ 1,300rpm
Transmission: Nine-speed automatic
Fuel consumption, combined: 7.0L / 100km
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
Other workplace saving schemes
- The UAE government announced a retirement savings plan for private and free zone sector employees in 2023.
- Dubai’s savings retirement scheme for foreign employees working in the emirate’s government and public sector came into effect in 2022.
- National Bonds unveiled a Golden Pension Scheme in 2022 to help private-sector foreign employees with their financial planning.
- In April 2021, Hayah Insurance unveiled a workplace savings plan to help UAE employees save for their retirement.
- Lunate, an Abu Dhabi-based investment manager, has launched a fund that will allow UAE private companies to offer employees investment returns on end-of-service benefits.
The Sand Castle
Director: Matty Brown
Stars: Nadine Labaki, Ziad Bakri, Zain Al Rafeea, Riman Al Rafeea
Rating: 2.5/5
Living in...
This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.
Singham Again
Director: Rohit Shetty
Stars: Ajay Devgn, Kareena Kapoor Khan, Ranveer Singh, Akshay Kumar, Tiger Shroff, Deepika Padukone
Rating: 3/5
German intelligence warnings
- 2002: "Hezbollah supporters feared becoming a target of security services because of the effects of [9/11] ... discussions on Hezbollah policy moved from mosques into smaller circles in private homes." Supporters in Germany: 800
- 2013: "Financial and logistical support from Germany for Hezbollah in Lebanon supports the armed struggle against Israel ... Hezbollah supporters in Germany hold back from actions that would gain publicity." Supporters in Germany: 950
- 2023: "It must be reckoned with that Hezbollah will continue to plan terrorist actions outside the Middle East against Israel or Israeli interests." Supporters in Germany: 1,250
Source: Federal Office for the Protection of the Constitution
Paatal Lok season two
Directors: Avinash Arun, Prosit Roy
Stars: Jaideep Ahlawat, Ishwak Singh, Lc Sekhose, Merenla Imsong
Rating: 4.5/5
Essentials
The flights
Etihad (etihad.ae) and flydubai (flydubai.com) fly direct to Baku three times a week from Dh1,250 return, including taxes.
The stay
A seven-night “Fundamental Detox” programme at the Chenot Palace (chenotpalace.com/en) costs from €3,000 (Dh13,197) per person, including taxes, accommodation, 3 medical consultations, 2 nutritional consultations, a detox diet, a body composition analysis, a bio-energetic check-up, four Chenot bio-energetic treatments, six Chenot energetic massages, six hydro-aromatherapy treatments, six phyto-mud treatments, six hydro-jet treatments and access to the gym, indoor pool, sauna and steam room. Additional tests and treatments cost extra.
Guide to intelligent investing
Investing success often hinges on discipline and perspective. As markets fluctuate, remember these guiding principles:
- Stay invested: Time in the market, not timing the market, is critical to long-term gains.
- Rational thinking: Breathe and avoid emotional decision-making; let logic and planning guide your actions.
- Strategic patience: Understand why you’re investing and allow time for your strategies to unfold.
Living in...
This article is part of a guide on where to live in the UAE. Our reporters will profile some of the country’s most desirable districts, provide an estimate of rental prices and introduce you to some of the residents who call each area home.
Milestones on the road to union
1970
October 26: Bahrain withdraws from a proposal to create a federation of nine with the seven Trucial States and Qatar.
December: Ahmed Al Suwaidi visits New York to discuss potential UN membership.
1971
March 1: Alex Douglas Hume, Conservative foreign secretary confirms that Britain will leave the Gulf and “strongly supports” the creation of a Union of Arab Emirates.
July 12: Historic meeting at which Sheikh Zayed and Sheikh Rashid make a binding agreement to create what will become the UAE.
July 18: It is announced that the UAE will be formed from six emirates, with a proposed constitution signed. RAK is not yet part of the agreement.
August 6: The fifth anniversary of Sheikh Zayed becoming Ruler of Abu Dhabi, with official celebrations deferred until later in the year.
August 15: Bahrain becomes independent.
September 3: Qatar becomes independent.
November 23-25: Meeting with Sheikh Zayed and Sheikh Rashid and senior British officials to fix December 2 as date of creation of the UAE.
November 29: At 5.30pm Iranian forces seize the Greater and Lesser Tunbs by force.
November 30: Despite a power sharing agreement, Tehran takes full control of Abu Musa.
November 31: UK officials visit all six participating Emirates to formally end the Trucial States treaties
December 2: 11am, Dubai. New Supreme Council formally elects Sheikh Zayed as President. Treaty of Friendship signed with the UK. 11.30am. Flag raising ceremony at Union House and Al Manhal Palace in Abu Dhabi witnessed by Sheikh Khalifa, then Crown Prince of Abu Dhabi.
December 6: Arab League formally admits the UAE. The first British Ambassador presents his credentials to Sheikh Zayed.
December 9: UAE joins the United Nations.
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RESULTS
5pm: Watha Stallions Cup Handicap (PA) Dh 70,000 (Dirt) 2,000m
Winner: Dalil De Carrere, Bernardo Pinheiro (jockey), Mohamed Daggash (trainer)
5.30pm: Maiden (TB) Dh 70,000 (D) 2,000m
Winner: Miracle Maker, Xavier Ziani, Salem bin Ghadayer
6pm: Maiden (PA) Dh 70,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner: Pharitz Al Denari, Bernardo Pinheiro, Mahmood Hussain
6.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh 70,000 (D) 1,600m
Winner: Oss, Jesus Rosales, Abdallah Al Hammadi
7pm: Handicap (PA) Dh 70,000 (D) 1,400m
Winner: ES Nahawand, Fernando Jara, Mohamed Daggash
7.30pm: Maiden (PA) Dh 70,000 (D) 1,000m
Winner: AF Almajhaz, Abdul Aziz Al Balushi, Khalifa Al Neyadi
8pm: Maiden (PA) Dh 70,000 (D) 1,000m
Winner: AF Lewaa, Bernardo Pinheiro, Qaiss Aboud.
Emergency
Director: Kangana Ranaut
Stars: Kangana Ranaut, Anupam Kher, Shreyas Talpade, Milind Soman, Mahima Chaudhry
Rating: 2/5
Formula Middle East Calendar (Formula Regional and Formula 4)
Round 1: January 17-19, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 2: January 22-23, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 3: February 7-9, Dubai Autodrome – Dubai
Round 4: February 14-16, Yas Marina Circuit – Abu Dhabi
Round 5: February 25-27, Jeddah Corniche Circuit – Saudi Arabia
Total eligible population
About 57.5 million people
51.1 million received a jab
6.4 million have not
Where are the unvaccinated?
England 11%
Scotland 9%
Wales 10%
Northern Ireland 14%
The biog
Profession: Senior sports presenter and producer
Marital status: Single
Favourite book: Al Nabi by Jibran Khalil Jibran
Favourite food: Italian and Lebanese food
Favourite football player: Cristiano Ronaldo
Languages: Arabic, French, English, Portuguese and some Spanish
Website: www.liliane-tannoury.com
Wonka
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