Fantasy football leagues are the stuff of dreams and nightmares for fans

Weeks have been spent building your squad, Europe’s hottest striker has been drafted in for big money and proven talent has accounted for the rest of your transfer budget.

Hours have been spent agonising over team selection and praying for no last-minute injuries.

Finally, the chosen 11 are ready.

This is it, a new season, a new beginning. Your time has come.

But fantasy football is a cruel, unforgiving game.

One weekend and the best-laid plans, such as Louis van Gaal's at Manchester United, are in tatters. It is going to be a long season of playing catch-up.

Some people mistakenly believe that fantasy football is a game primarily played against your friends and colleagues, and often even strangers around the world.

It is not.

It is mostly a battle between you and the fantasy football deities. It is all about tempting fate.

Every signing – and that is really just about the only power you have – is a chess move anticipating what destiny will conspire to produce at the weekend.

Everyone fancies themselves a fantasy football master. It all sounds so simple.

Pack your team with as many high scorers as your budget allows. An Aaron Ramsey, a Cesc Fabregas or, in the past, goal-and-assist-machines such as Luis Suarez or Frank Lampard.

These are the sure things.

Then stretch the remainder of your budget across the rest of the squad. This is where compromises creep in, and a bit of thought comes into play.

Do you take an attacking full-back known for his assists, such as Leighton Baines, as he also takes penalties and free kicks? Or how about a prolific forward such as Alexis Sanchez at Arsenal, who is categorised as a midfielder?

But having blown most of your millions on Diego Costa, Daniel Sturridge or Wayne Rooney up front; David Silva, Eden Hazard and Philippe Coutinho in midfield; John Terry and Dejan Lovern (both score the occasional goal); and Thibaut Courtois or Tim Howard in goal, you will run out of cash. Fast.

Reserve keepers and defenders are bargain basement buys, sacrifices that you hope you never have to use. With a dwindling budget, it is time to wheel and deal, Harry Redknapp-style.

On the opening day of the English Premier League season, I find myself in a familiar spot: only £6m (Dh36.5m) in the bank, and a striker's slot left to fill. I opt for Queens Park Rangers forward Charlie Austin on opening day at home to Hull City, as good an opportunity as any for him to get off the mark.

With six minutes left and QPR 1-0 down, Austin had the perfect chance to make himself a hero, and myself a visionary, when the home team was awarded a penalty.

Needless to say, fate was having none of it. Austin’s penalty was saved by Allan McGregor (joy for those who had picked him). For me, as for QPR, it looks like a long season.

Poor old Austin probably will not last a week at bottom-of-the-table Ibn Batistuta FC, but, in the long term, it is up to the fantasy manager to decide how long to stick with a misfiring big money striker.

This is the essence of fantasy management. The minute you blink, you are leaving yourself prey to the footballing equivalent of switching to the less crowded lane on a motorway or queue at a supermarket.

The discarded player, no doubt hurt by your snub, is almost bound to score a hat-trick in the next match. Fantasy football also has its own ­skewed, not to mention endearingly delusional, code of ethics.

Some fans would never dream of picking a player from the team they support for fear of “jinxing” them.

Even worse is relying on players from your bitterest rivals to deliver you the points.

This, as any self-respecting fantasy football manager knows, comes with a ready-made existential justification. You may have demanded Suarez be banned for life last season for his various misdemeanours, but he was going to be captain of your fantasy team.

It was a win-win situation, you told yourself. When he fired blanks last season, you wallowed in his and Liverpool’s failure, convinced it was your selection that cast a hex on him. When he scored a hat-trick against Norwich, well, it was all about points on the board.

You can be certain the opening day goals by Rooney, Costa and Sturridge were not celebrated by United, Chelsea and Liverpool fans only.

To fans who do not, this is tantamount to blasphemy. To the FFL manager, it is a necessary evil.

Now, to find a place for Andre Schurrle in my starting 11.

akhaled@thenational.ae

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