I’m in a WhatsApp group called Gully’s Travels and it’s used to tease a friend. It’s not short for Gulliver but does nod to Jonathan Swift’s 300-year-old satirical classic. Instead, it’s short for Gullible and represents his holiday style of “I’ll pay literally anything as long as it’s a travel fad”.
Gluten-free beach weekenders. Done. Reiki mountain retreat for singletons. Done. Catch, kill and cook your steak. Well done.
He spends as much time searching for pointless holidays as he does taking them. And the more lazy, expensive and wasteful the better. This week, our group pinged with an image of his latest adventure. A giant bed in a windowless room that supposedly offers guests one of the quietest night’s sleeps on Earth – until they wake up to a $525 bill and realise it was all just an overpriced nightmare.
“Oh, little bit of me time. Can't wait, needed this,” he wrote after a 14-hour door-to-door journey. Instead of spending that time falling into the ghastly trap of sleep tourism, he should've had the mother of all naps on the sofa watching reruns of Friends on Neftlix instead, like he does every weekend anyway.
For me, impatience is a virtue. And when I’m on holiday, if there is one word that is laced with the ick factor it is 'relax'
However, he’s not alone. His style of travel combines some of next year’s biggest trends, according to research by Hilton. While it recently found 70 per cent of people want to be active when they travel, 20 per cent want to go “hurkle-durkling” instead – a Scottish phrase that means lounging in bed all day that recently did the rounds on TikTok, apparently. I know this because I googled it.
And, according to the survey of 13,000 people in 13 countries, a further 25 per cent will book a spa or wellness treatment to enhance sleep. Here’s another way of putting it: 20 per cent of people should just stay in bed at home and the other 25 per cent should save their money … by staying in bed.
Holidays are a privilege and I’ve always been firmly with the 70 per cent who want to do something worthwhile on them. But I need proper active, not a couple of tours thinly spread over a leisurely fortnight. I squeeze in as much as I can whether that’s cities, sights or food.
Sicily? Completed it in three days. Mekong River? Sailed it in four. Whether hiking in Jordan or South Africa, sailing around the Phillippines or zipping through Thailand on trains, I try to cross a country as quickly as the UK churns through prime ministers. It proved tricky in Laos and Cuba, where they barely have any tarmac that isn't pockmarked with sinkholes.
For me, impatience is a virtue. And when I’m on holiday, if there is one word that is laced with the ick factor it is “relax”. Hideous. I can’t abide the thought of it. It’s not a sensible use of time.
Imagine if history's greatest explorers were sucked into a sleep tourism vortex instead of setting off where no one else had been before. All their diaries would just read: “Was about to go discover, felt tired so sailed to a different port and dozed off instead. Lols.” Everest still wouldn't have been conquered, no one would know about America and we'd probably all still think the Earth was flat.
When it comes to seeing the world, sleep is the first thing to sacrifice. No one looks back on a holiday and says: “Ah yes, Australia 2017. Nothing like eight hours Down Under.” It takes about a year to get over the jet lag anyway so why not eat a ‘roo burger in Melbourne at 2am, climb the Sydney Harbour Bridge nine hours north at noon and go surfing on the Gold Coast by nightfall?
However, I will admit the hardcore cramming of exploration is a young person’s game. When I first started travelling alone or in groups of two or three, I was in my late teens. An average day would involve something like 18 hours of pinballing around a city’s landmarks, getting lost, getting cross, getting back on track across 35,000 steps fuelled by about a gazillion espressos and cheap hand-rolled cigarettes.
We’d snatch a couple of hours of sleep where we could on overnight buses, trains or airport floors (I once slept in London’s Trafalgar Square) and repeat it all the following day. Now I’ve stubbed out the smoking habit, barely drink coffee and get as far as the front door before my back pleads: “No more!” But the memories are there, and they weren’t made by lounging around all day.
While the study suggests most travellers want to join organised excursions, many of the best moments were ones I’d stumbled across either accidentally or by following another adventurer’s tip.
I found an old lady who made scarecrows and plunged them into the ground to frighten the local children in Latvia. I met a man with a tattoo of Manchester United’s badge in the middle of his forehead in Bulgaria – he had also changed his name to his beloved team. And, while dressed as a Jedi in the Sahara, I reenacted a Star Wars fight scene with a Tunisian shepherd in full Darth Vader regalia. Lightsabres included.
Best of all, they were all free. While they are not the sort of excursions pedalled out en masse by travel agents or the ones ramping up the envy factor on TikTok, nor are they the overpriced fads my friend will be needled for in Gully's Travels. They are exactly the sort of things you can’t do rotting in bed.
WHAT IS A BLACK HOLE?
1. Black holes are objects whose gravity is so strong not even light can escape their pull
2. They can be created when massive stars collapse under their own weight
3. Large black holes can also be formed when smaller ones collide and merge
4. The biggest black holes lurk at the centre of many galaxies, including our own
5. Astronomers believe that when the universe was very young, black holes affected how galaxies formed
THE BIO
Age: 30
Favourite book: The Power of Habit
Favourite quote: "The world is full of good people, if you cannot find one, be one"
Favourite exercise: The snatch
Favourite colour: Blue
Fresh faces in UAE side
Khalifa Mubarak (24) An accomplished centre-back, the Al Nasr defender’s progress has been hampered in the past by injury. With not many options in central defence, he would bolster what can be a problem area.
Ali Salmeen (22) Has been superb at the heart of Al Wasl’s midfield these past two seasons, with the Dubai club flourishing under manager Rodolfo Arrubarrena. Would add workrate and composure to the centre of the park.
Mohammed Jamal (23) Enjoyed a stellar 2016/17 Arabian Gulf League campaign, proving integral to Al Jazira as the capital club sealed the championship for only a second time. A tenacious and disciplined central midfielder.
Khalfan Mubarak (22) One of the most exciting players in the UAE, the Al Jazira playmaker has been likened in style to Omar Abdulrahman. Has minimal international experience already, but there should be much more to come.
Jassim Yaqoub (20) Another incredibly exciting prospect, the Al Nasr winger is becoming a regular contributor at club level. Pacey, direct and with an eye for goal, he would provide the team’s attack an extra dimension.
Who's who in Yemen conflict
Houthis: Iran-backed rebels who occupy Sanaa and run unrecognised government
Yemeni government: Exiled government in Aden led by eight-member Presidential Leadership Council
Southern Transitional Council: Faction in Yemeni government that seeks autonomy for the south
Habrish 'rebels': Tribal-backed forces feuding with STC over control of oil in government territory
The figures behind the event
1) More than 300 in-house cleaning crew
2) 165 staff assigned to sanitise public areas throughout the show
3) 1,000 social distancing stickers
4) 809 hand sanitiser dispensers placed throughout the venue
How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
Gifts exchanged
- King Charles - replica of President Eisenhower Sword
- Queen Camilla - Tiffany & Co vintage 18-carat gold, diamond and ruby flower brooch
- Donald Trump - hand-bound leather book with Declaration of Independence
- Melania Trump - personalised Anya Hindmarch handbag
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
TO A LAND UNKNOWN
Director: Mahdi Fleifel
Starring: Mahmoud Bakri, Aram Sabbah, Mohammad Alsurafa
Rating: 4.5/5
Bugatti Chiron Super Sport - the specs:
Engine: 8.0-litre quad-turbo W16
Transmission: 7-speed DSG auto
Power: 1,600hp
Torque: 1,600Nm
0-100kph in 2.4seconds
0-200kph in 5.8 seconds
0-300kph in 12.1 seconds
Top speed: 440kph
Price: Dh13,200,000
Bugatti Chiron Pur Sport - the specs:
Engine: 8.0-litre quad-turbo W16
Transmission: 7-speed DSG auto
Power: 1,500hp
Torque: 1,600Nm
0-100kph in 2.3 seconds
0-200kph in 5.5 seconds
0-300kph in 11.8 seconds
Top speed: 350kph
Price: Dh13,600,000
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
Cryopreservation: A timeline
- Keyhole surgery under general anaesthetic
- Ovarian tissue surgically removed
- Tissue processed in a high-tech facility
- Tissue re-implanted at a time of the patient’s choosing
- Full hormone production regained within 4-6 months
The specs
- Engine: 3.9-litre twin-turbo V8
- Power: 640hp
- Torque: 760nm
- On sale: 2026
- Price: Not announced yet
Specs
Engine: Dual-motor all-wheel-drive electric
Range: Up to 610km
Power: 905hp
Torque: 985Nm
Price: From Dh439,000
Available: Now
Australia tour of Pakistan
March 4-8: First Test, Rawalpindi
March 12-16: Second Test, Karachi
March 21-25: Third Test, Lahore
March 29: First ODI, Rawalpindi
March 31: Second ODI, Rawalpindi
April 2: Third ODI, Rawalpindi
April 5: T20I, Rawalpindi
Mercer, the investment consulting arm of US services company Marsh & McLennan, expects its wealth division to at least double its assets under management (AUM) in the Middle East as wealth in the region continues to grow despite economic headwinds, a company official said.
Mercer Wealth, which globally has $160 billion in AUM, plans to boost its AUM in the region to $2-$3bn in the next 2-3 years from the present $1bn, said Yasir AbuShaban, a Dubai-based principal with Mercer Wealth.
“Within the next two to three years, we are looking at reaching $2 to $3 billion as a conservative estimate and we do see an opportunity to do so,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Mercer does not directly make investments, but allocates clients’ money they have discretion to, to professional asset managers. They also provide advice to clients.
“We have buying power. We can negotiate on their (client’s) behalf with asset managers to provide them lower fees than they otherwise would have to get on their own,” he added.
Mercer Wealth’s clients include sovereign wealth funds, family offices, and insurance companies among others.
From its office in Dubai, Mercer also looks after Africa, India and Turkey, where they also see opportunity for growth.
Wealth creation in Middle East and Africa (MEA) grew 8.5 per cent to $8.1 trillion last year from $7.5tn in 2015, higher than last year’s global average of 6 per cent and the second-highest growth in a region after Asia-Pacific which grew 9.9 per cent, according to consultancy Boston Consulting Group (BCG). In the region, where wealth grew just 1.9 per cent in 2015 compared with 2014, a pickup in oil prices has helped in wealth generation.
BCG is forecasting MEA wealth will rise to $12tn by 2021, growing at an annual average of 8 per cent.
Drivers of wealth generation in the region will be split evenly between new wealth creation and growth of performance of existing assets, according to BCG.
Another general trend in the region is clients’ looking for a comprehensive approach to investing, according to Mr AbuShaban.
“Institutional investors or some of the families are seeing a slowdown in the available capital they have to invest and in that sense they are looking at optimizing the way they manage their portfolios and making sure they are not investing haphazardly and different parts of their investment are working together,” said Mr AbuShaban.
Some clients also have a higher appetite for risk, given the low interest-rate environment that does not provide enough yield for some institutional investors. These clients are keen to invest in illiquid assets, such as private equity and infrastructure.
“What we have seen is a desire for higher returns in what has been a low-return environment specifically in various fixed income or bonds,” he said.
“In this environment, we have seen a de facto increase in the risk that clients are taking in things like illiquid investments, private equity investments, infrastructure and private debt, those kind of investments were higher illiquidity results in incrementally higher returns.”
The Abu Dhabi Investment Authority, one of the largest sovereign wealth funds, said in its 2016 report that has gradually increased its exposure in direct private equity and private credit transactions, mainly in Asian markets and especially in China and India. The authority’s private equity department focused on structured equities owing to “their defensive characteristics.”
