SHARJAH // An unmarried mother who abandons her child could suffer deep psychological scars and may never get over the remorse.
“It is the rare occasion that a mother can abandon her baby without suffering acute and chronic psychological pain, such as extreme shame and guilt, fear and anxiety of the child’s survival and well-being, sadness and grief over the loss, and extreme remorse,” said Dr Deema Sihweil, a clinical psychologist and director of the Carbone Clinic in Dubai Healthcare City.
For the child too, the story does not end with their discovery, she said. If a child grows up and learns of their abandonment they may suffer the conscious trauma of being neglected by the very person they should have been able to trust most in this world.
The motivating factors behind mothers who have abandoned their children vary.
Postnatal depression may be a factor but Dr Sihweil believes women are mostly acting out of fear.
“I would imagine that the deliberate abandoning of a child has more thought-out motivations … people are paranoid that having sex out of wedlock, being a pregnant and delivering a child without presenting a marriage certificate could lead to jail and deportation.
“For many, sadly, the legal implications could certainly compel women to make choices that they may not otherwise make in their home country.”
As travelling to other countries to terminate a pregnancy can be too costly and with abortion in the UAE being strictly forbidden women can feel trapped, she said.
“When under extreme fear, anxiety and isolation in making such a choice, it is often understandable and inevitable that some women will make the seemingly unjust choice to abandon the child,” she said.
Despite this, mothers should not try to hide the pregnancy and attempt to give birth without the help of a trained expert, she said. Aside from the mental trauma, there are also physical dangers to both mother and child in giving birth without medical assistance.
Complications can include extreme pain during delivery, umbilical cords wrapped around necks and several other birthing dangers.
Dr Hiam Harfoush, a specialist in obstetrics and gynaecology at Burjeel Hospital in Abu Dhabi, said it was imperative for both mother and child that a woman gave birth in a clean, safe environment with the correct medical equipment.
“There is a very high health risk if you give birth without medical assistance.
“There is the risk of infection for the baby and for the mother with what instrument is used to cut the cord. It might cause serious infection which can cause maternity death. It is very important.”
A child’s health is also dependent on the mother in the crucial first few months after birth, she said.
“It is important to have the skin-to-skin contact from the first moment for the child. It is very important for the health of the baby and for the regulation of the breathing for the baby – it reduces all complications that happen from the first hour after birth.”
Psychologically, in the first 24 hours after birth a baby needs his mother. “There are many studies that happen around the world about this problem,” said Dr Harfoush. “The patient delivers then because of legal issues the baby is separated from the mother then sometimes they are adopted by some other family.
“But when they are grown up they have psychiatric problems and most of them need support. It really causes trauma.”
Dr Sihweil said people needed to be aware of and respect the laws of the country and not get themselves in this position.
“Most people are aware of the laws surrounding sex, marriage and pregnancy and ultimately it is the responsibility of the residents of this country to consider the possible detrimental and life-threatening consequences of their choices.”
jbell@thenational.ae