"Just because I earn more than you doesn't mean I should be getting the bill," was what I was thinking - but I paid without a peep.
You might take me for an unkind person, but I put it to you that I live within my means - not someone else's - and would never dream of clocking up expenses that I could not afford. Plus, I take issue with the assumption that I have cash to blow - I don't. Every dirham has a job in my world, and paying this bill isn't one of them.
This incident involved someone who chose not to go down any structured or corporate career, opting instead for the arts. He is super at what he does, bringing much joy to those who are fortunate enough to experience his work. But his earnings are ad hoc and from what I gather, don't stretch very far - or maybe he does earn well, but spends it. The point is, he comes across as not financially comfortable.
We were due a catch-up chat. He chose the venue - a trendy place - for a coffee. I very rarely eat out, opting instead to take my home-cooked food with me daily - allergies plus the need to graze pretty much constantly mean that carrying my food works best. Plus, let's not be shy, I save a fortune in time and money by doing this. There are better things for me to do with both finite commodities, thank you very much.
The coffee became lunch, which went on to include a few more drinks.
And at the end of it, I felt an immense obligation to pay. Why? Obviously I've been conditioned to put my hand in my pocket, even if I can't afford it. That's one issue. Another is that there's an assumption that I'm OK Jack and of course should be forking out - with no knowledge of my financial situation, obligations, aspirations.
I don't like it.
Why are we unable to split bills without a hint of discomfort or guilt? If he couldn't afford to have what he had consumed, why did he order it? Was it with the expectation that I would foot the bill?
It reminded me of financial awakenings I experienced when I was much younger. As a new university student, I had an overwhelming sense of obligation to pay for others. Group eating came to mean Nima paying, which in reality was my parents paying because I was living off their money.
It couldn't be any other way. I just had to put my hand in my pocket and not sully myself or the occasion with splitting bills. I now realise that there was an underlying assumption that reciprocity would kick in, or perhaps someone else putting their hand up to share the cost. But it never happened. My fellow undergraduates probably thought I was a pushover or as rich as Croesus - which I most certainly was not. Yes there were cultural and social issues at play. And yes, I drifted away from that group of people eventually.
The worst thing was the feeling I'd been taken for a financial ride. And I realise that this is the thing that grated when I paid for lunch that day. I felt I'd been set up.
Of course I invite people, pay on various occasions and share the fruits of my labour. I choose when, who and where.
I don't see why people who have saved or kept money they earn should end up bailing out or spending on others who choose to live differently. That's not to say that we shouldn't help each other out when in need - but come on, eating out at a restaurant doesn't fall into this category.
This person is extremely clever. He could have made many a career choice and done well. But it's not what he wanted for himself. He loves his life and wouldn't have it any other way. I'm happy for him, but I'm not happy being his ATM.
Next time you're faced with a similar situation, instead of feeling bad about paying for someone else's life choices, deal with it head-on and in a matter-of-fact way. You might suffer momentary embarrassment, but you will have long-term peace and liberation. That's what I'm going to be doing from now on.
Nima Abu Wardeh is the founder of the personal finance website cashy.me. You can reach her at nima@cashy.me
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Farasan Boat: 128km Away from Anchorage
Director: Mowaffaq Alobaid
Stars: Abdulaziz Almadhi, Mohammed Al Akkasi, Ali Al Suhaibani
Rating: 4/5
Company%20profile
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The specs
Engine: 2-litre or 3-litre 4Motion all-wheel-drive Power: 250Nm (2-litre); 340 (3-litre) Torque: 450Nm Transmission: 8-speed automatic Starting price: From Dh212,000 On sale: Now
The specs
Engine: 1.5-litre 4-cylinder petrol
Power: 154bhp
Torque: 250Nm
Transmission: 7-speed automatic with 8-speed sports option
Price: From Dh79,600
On sale: Now
COMPANY PROFILE
Name: Almnssa
Started: August 2020
Founder: Areej Selmi
Based: Gaza
Sectors: Internet, e-commerce
Investments: Grants/private funding
Without Remorse
Directed by: Stefano Sollima
Starring: Michael B Jordan
4/5
COMPANY%20PROFILE%20
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More coverage from the Future Forum
UPI facts
More than 2.2 million Indian tourists arrived in UAE in 2023
More than 3.5 million Indians reside in UAE
Indian tourists can make purchases in UAE using rupee accounts in India through QR-code-based UPI real-time payment systems
Indian residents in UAE can use their non-resident NRO and NRE accounts held in Indian banks linked to a UAE mobile number for UPI transactions
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Five famous companies founded by teens
There are numerous success stories of teen businesses that were created in college dorm rooms and other modest circumstances. Below are some of the most recognisable names in the industry:
- Facebook: Mark Zuckerberg and his friends started Facebook when he was a 19-year-old Harvard undergraduate.
- Dell: When Michael Dell was an undergraduate student at Texas University in 1984, he started upgrading computers for profit. He starting working full-time on his business when he was 19. Eventually, his company became the Dell Computer Corporation and then Dell Inc.
- Subway: Fred DeLuca opened the first Subway restaurant when he was 17. In 1965, Mr DeLuca needed extra money for college, so he decided to open his own business. Peter Buck, a family friend, lent him $1,000 and together, they opened Pete’s Super Submarines. A few years later, the company was rebranded and called Subway.
- Mashable: In 2005, Pete Cashmore created Mashable in Scotland when he was a teenager. The site was then a technology blog. Over the next few decades, Mr Cashmore has turned Mashable into a global media company.
- Oculus VR: Palmer Luckey founded Oculus VR in June 2012, when he was 19. In August that year, Oculus launched its Kickstarter campaign and raised more than $1 million in three days. Facebook bought Oculus for $2 billion two years later.
Play-off fixtures
Two-legged ties to be played November 9-11 and November 12-14
- Northern Ireland v Switzerland
- Croatia v Greece
- Denmark v Ireland
- Sweden v Italy
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How to protect yourself when air quality drops
Install an air filter in your home.
Close your windows and turn on the AC.
Shower or bath after being outside.
Wear a face mask.
Stay indoors when conditions are particularly poor.
If driving, turn your engine off when stationary.
RESULTS
Women:
55kg brown-black belt: Amal Amjahid (BEL) bt Amanda Monteiro (BRA) via choke
62kg brown-black belt: Bianca Basilio (BRA) bt Ffion Davies (GBR) via referee’s decision (0-0, 2-2 adv)
70kg brown-black belt: Ana Carolina Vieira (BRA) bt Jessica Swanson (USA), 9-0
90kg brown-black belt: Angelica Galvao (USA) bt Marta Szarecka (POL) 8-2
Men:
62kg black belt: Joao Miyao (BRA) bt Wan Ki-chae (KOR), 7-2
69kg black belt: Paulo Miyao (BRA) bt Gianni Grippo (USA), 2-2 (1-0 adv)
77kg black belt: Espen Mathiesen (NOR) bt Jake Mackenzie (CAN)
85kg black belt: Isaque Braz (BRA) bt Faisal Al Ketbi (UAE), 2-0
94kg black belt: Felipe Pena (BRA) bt Adam Wardzinski (POL), 4-0
110kg black belt final: Erberth Santos (BRA) bt Lucio Rodrigues (GBR) via rear naked choke
Gertrude Bell's life in focus
A feature film
At one point, two feature films were in the works, but only German director Werner Herzog’s project starring Nicole Kidman would be made. While there were high hopes he would do a worthy job of directing the biopic, when Queen of the Desert arrived in 2015 it was a disappointment. Critics panned the film, in which Herzog largely glossed over Bell’s political work in favour of her ill-fated romances.
A documentary
A project that did do justice to Bell arrived the next year: Sabine Krayenbuhl and Zeva Oelbaum’s Letters from Baghdad: The Extraordinary Life and Times of Gertrude Bell. Drawing on more than 1,000 pieces of archival footage, 1,700 documents and 1,600 letters, the filmmakers painstakingly pieced together a compelling narrative that managed to convey both the depth of Bell’s experience and her tortured love life.
Books, letters and archives
Two biographies have been written about Bell, and both are worth reading: Georgina Howell’s 2006 book Queen of the Desert and Janet Wallach’s 1996 effort Desert Queen. Bell published several books documenting her travels and there are also several volumes of her letters, although they are hard to find in print. Original documents are housed at the Gertrude Bell Archive at the University of Newcastle, which has an online catalogue.
Blackpink World Tour [Born Pink] In Cinemas
Starring: Rose, Jisoo, Jennie, Lisa
Directors: Min Geun, Oh Yoon-Dong
Rating: 3/5
