Manar Al Hinai: Do ask for help when you really need it

I have this acquaintance who has worked in the same organisation for the past 15 years. He is a hard worker and dedicated. I met him the other day to discuss a project and when he walked in, he looked dull and drained. I knew he wanted to get something off his chest, so I put our work material aside and asked him what was wrong.

It turned out he had not been promoted for a while, even though he put a lot of time and effort into his job. The first question I asked him was whether he had spoken to his manager about this issue that obviously bothered him so much. He said he had not. I encouraged him to discuss the matter with his line manager, but he refused. His reason was that the manager knows he has not been promoted for a few years and, therefore, he should be the one to open the subject.

How many of you are in a similar situation to my acquaintance? Have you also refused to ask for help, whether it was to seek clarification on your progress or simply to show them how a job could be done better?

In a contrasting scenario, a friend of mine has enjoyed incredible success in both her professional and social life. While the reason for her great lifestyle is partly because of the important post she holds, the major aspect of her success is because she is not shy or afraid to ask – for almost anything. If she needs clarification on a matter, she approaches her manager and asks for it. She would never wait for him to talk to her. If she needs help, she speaks up and would not waste time trying to do something and then fail at it just because she was too shy to ask.

After meeting my acquaintance the other day and comparing him to my friend, I thought about how many opportunities are missed and how much time is wasted simply because people did not ask. That one question could have saved years of wondering, and hours of being stuck.

It was not until I had my own team to manage and projects to meet that I realised the value of the three magical words “I need help”, and how efficiently we could run our business as a result of using them.

Given that, some people do not know the best approach to ask for help. So here are some tips that I have personally found useful:

• Do not ask for help just for the sake of it, but when you actually need it. The best time is after you have explored different solutions yourself. The first question your manager or person in charge might ask you is: “Did you try X instead?” It is better to have some answers at the time of your discussion. You could start off by stating that you did try A and B but they did not work so that is why you asked for help to save time. Not only will your manager appreciate the initiative you have taken to find a solution, but also your efficiency.

• Do not wait for too long before you ask for help. Getting stuck on one issue for several hours is not productive. As much as your manager will appreciate your dedication and commitment, they might be frustrated at you wasting time and not seeking assistance sooner. As highlighted above, look for a couple of alternative solutions. If those did not work out, get up and ask for help.

Whether you are a fresh graduate or has been in the work field several years, no one is expected to know everything. Demonstrating that you put in effort, resources, only to still end up needing help, could backfire on you as it means you have wasted time and maybe money in some cases.

It can be hard to swallow your pride and ask for help, clarification or a pay rise. But think of all the time and opportunities that you could be missing out on by staying silent. Keep the following in mind: by asking for something you will either get it or discover how you can get it. Either way, you will benefit.

Manar Al Hinai is an award-winning Emirati writer based in Abu Dhabi. Follow her on Twitter: @manar_alhinai

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