When it comes to money and relationships, we’re all a bit like Goldilocks — this ex spent too much, this ex was too cheap. It can be a long, difficult search for someone who is just right.
Even in a long-term relationship, you can be unpleasantly surprised by someone you thought you knew well.
Carla Manly, a clinical psychologist in Santa Rosa, California, witnessed her former husband get served with a collection notice for a debt she didn’t know about. He tried to explain it away, saying he forgot to tell her about the issue and it wasn’t a big deal.
“My gut instinct said: ‘No, there’s more to this story’,” Ms Manly says, adding that she eventually divorced him.
A lot of life decisions that couples make together have money at their core, so you need to know whether your partner’s personal choices will cause problems for you both.
Money red flags don’t have to be relationship-enders. In fact, they can be an opportunity to emerge stronger than ever, provided you’re both willing to be honest and do the work to get your relationship to a better place.
Here’s what doing the work entails.
Figure yourself out
Maybe you break up with someone the moment they admit to having money-related skeletons in the closet. Maybe you stick it out, even when your partner exhibits serious lapses in judgment.
Everyone’s boundaries are influenced by past experiences. It’s worth examining your boundaries’ origins because they may not be serving you well.
Are you punishing a new partner because of the actions of an ex? Do you set unrealistic expectations to make up for your spendthrift parent? In cases like these, you’re reacting to other people’s values instead of living according to your own.
Without that foundation of honesty and transparency, you knowing you, you communicating that to the other person, you’ll have nowhere to go
Carla Manly,
a clinical psychologist
By setting your own values, you can bring your true self into a relationship — instead of a pile of baggage.
“Without that foundation of honesty and transparency, you knowing you, you communicating that to the other person, you’ll have nowhere to go,” Ms Manly says. “Your relationship won’t grow.”
Exercise those money talk muscles
When you can both speak honestly without the fear of judgment, you can tackle issues as a team and emerge with a stronger bond.
Start small by sharing a financial decision you made for yourself. When you’re together longer, you can discuss and jointly make lower-stakes money choices as practice for the more serious stuff.
If something makes you uncomfortable, mention it so you can talk about why that might be the case.
And remember, even if your partner has money habits you don’t agree with, don’t treat them like a rebellious teenager. If you scold them, they’re going to become secretive about their spending.
“Everything should be able to be worked through if there is mutual respect and love for one another,” says Tiffany Welka, a financial adviser in Michigan.
“If you have those things in your relationship, realistically, hard things are going to come up, and you have to learn to overcome them together.”
Don’t ignore warning signs
Here are some signs you may be in a potentially unhealthy situation:
Your partner won’t talk about money: “One of the biggest things that I’ve found is that if someone is unwilling to discuss their finances with you, that’s a really big red flag,” Ms Welka says. “It means that they’re hiding a part of their life and they want to keep it separate from the relationship.”
Your partner has an overly positive attitude: Positivity can be a bad thing when it’s a defence mechanism used to avoid dealing with serious issues like overdue bills.
“The reality is that we all have good and bad things happen to us in our financial life,” says Ed Coambs, a financial therapist near Charlotte, North Carolina.
In Mr Coambs’ view, when you can reflect on your money choices and acknowledge both what you’re proud of and what you’re ashamed of, it’s a sign of financial maturity.
You see signs of dishonesty: Sometimes this behaviour can be caused by deep negative emotions about money that go back to childhood.
But your partner can hurt you financially by withholding information, taking money out of joint accounts without your knowledge and secretly getting into debt.
Your partner exhibits controlling or abusive behaviour: Your partner may deny you access to money, forbid you from working, hide money in secret accounts or steal your identity.
They refuse to resolve issues: It’s not promising when your partner won’t work with you to problem solve. Consider it a sign that your time together may have run its course.
“That’s a difficult place to get to,” Mr Coambs says. “But sometimes it’s necessary.”
Mohammed bin Zayed Majlis
What can victims do?
Always use only regulated platforms
Stop all transactions and communication on suspicion
Save all evidence (screenshots, chat logs, transaction IDs)
Report to local authorities
Warn others to prevent further harm
Courtesy: Crystal Intelligence
Overview
What: The Arab Women’s Sports Tournament is a biennial multisport event exclusively for Arab women athletes.
When: From Sunday, February 2, to Wednesday, February 12.
Where: At 13 different centres across Sharjah.
Disciplines: Athletics, archery, basketball, fencing, Karate, table tennis, shooting (rifle and pistol), show jumping and volleyball.
Participating countries: Algeria, Bahrain, Comoros, Egypt, Iraq, Jordan, Kuwait, Lebanon, Libya, Morocco, Oman, Palestine, Saudi Arabia, Sudan, Syria, Tunisia, Qatar and UAE.
How to apply for a drone permit
- Individuals must register on UAE Drone app or website using their UAE Pass
- Add all their personal details, including name, nationality, passport number, Emiratis ID, email and phone number
- Upload the training certificate from a centre accredited by the GCAA
- Submit their request
What are the regulations?
- Fly it within visual line of sight
- Never over populated areas
- Ensure maximum flying height of 400 feet (122 metres) above ground level is not crossed
- Users must avoid flying over restricted areas listed on the UAE Drone app
- Only fly the drone during the day, and never at night
- Should have a live feed of the drone flight
- Drones must weigh 5 kg or less
MATCH INFO
Manchester United 2 (Heaton (og) 42', Lindelof 64')
Aston Villa 2 (Grealish 11', Mings 66')
MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League semi-final, first leg
Barcelona v Liverpool, Wednesday, 11pm (UAE).
Second leg
Liverpool v Barcelona, Tuesday, May 7, 11pm
Games on BeIN Sports
The specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4cyl turbo
Power: 261hp at 5,500rpm
Torque: 405Nm at 1,750-3,500rpm
Transmission: 9-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 6.9L/100km
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Price: From Dh117,059
Islamophobia definition
A widely accepted definition was made by the All Party Parliamentary Group on British Muslims in 2019: “Islamophobia is rooted in racism and is a type of racism that targets expressions of Muslimness or perceived Muslimness.” It further defines it as “inciting hatred or violence against Muslims”.
MATCH INFO
Sheffield United 0 Wolves 2 (Jimenez 3', Saiss 6)
Man of the Match Romain Saiss (Wolves)
Gulf Under 19s final
Dubai College A 50-12 Dubai College B
The specs: 2019 Infiniti QX50
Price, base: Dh138,000 (estimate)
Engine: 2.0L, turbocharged, in-line four-cylinder
Transmission: Continuously variable transmission
Power: 268hp @ 5,600rpm
Torque: 380Nm @ 4,400rpm
Fuel economy: 6.7L / 100km (estimate)
Terminal High Altitude Area Defense (THAAD)
What is THAAD?
It is considered to be the US' most superior missile defence system.
Production:
It was first created in 2008.
Speed:
THAAD missiles can travel at over Mach 8, so fast that it is hypersonic.
Abilities:
THAAD is designed to take out projectiles, namely ballistic missiles, as they are on their downward trajectory towards their target, otherwise known as the "terminal phase".
Purpose:
To protect high-value strategic sites, such as airfields or population centres.
Range:
THAAD can target projectiles both inside and outside of the Earth's atmosphere, at an altitude of 93 miles above the Earth's surface.
Creators:
Lockheed Martin was originally granted the contract to develop the system in 1992. Defence company Raytheon sub-contracts to develop other major parts of the system, such as ground-based radar.
UAE and THAAD:
In 2011, the UAE became the first country outside of the US to buy two THAAD missile defence systems. It then deployed them in 2016, becoming the first Gulf country to do so.
Five expert hiking tips
Always check the weather forecast before setting off
Make sure you have plenty of water
Set off early to avoid sudden weather changes in the afternoon
Wear appropriate clothing and footwear
Take your litter home with you
The five pillars of Islam
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Live: BeIN Sports HD
Second leg: May 2, Stadio Olimpico, Rome
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Starring: Mohamed Ramadan, Ayad Nasaar, Mohamed Adel and Sabry Fawaz
2 stars
