Toilet cleaner, kitchen porter, chip fryer – when it comes to jobs, I’ve tried the lot. And at 33, I’ve finally found the best one.
It's better than the time when, as a junior reporter, I was dispatched to swim with sharks to see if they would bite me. (It’s a long story concerning ex-footballer Luis Suarez, his repeated gnawing of opposing players’ shoulders and some internet boffins who, with a heavy dose of stretching the truth, produced stats claiming humans are more likely to be bitten by the Uruguayan than by sharks).
It's considerably better than the time when my friend and I decided we’d sell balloons, an adventure that left us both deflated after a promise from our initial seed investor (his mum) turned out to be a load of hot air.
A few years ago, if someone told me there's a great job available, but the only niggles are that the hours are horrific, the salary is abysmal (in fact, I would have to pay rather then be paid) and I'll be screamed at incessantly hour after hour … I'd cross the road and phone the zoo to report a wild beast was on the loose.
However, proving some cliches are cliches for a reason, the greatest job in the world – a job for life, no less – is being a dad.
Less dad bod, more dad jokes
Annually, June 21 is Father’s Day in the UAE, while the UK and US marked it on June 16 this year. Although it’s my first time celebrating, with our son arriving earlier this year, I feel it’s a role I was born to play.
Firstly, as anyone who had a brush with Manchester’s club scene circa ‘07 to ‘18 can attest, my dad dancing is suitably undignified. I already enjoy telling dad jokes, that’s just how eye roll. And by the age of nine, I already had a dad bod (something I’ve since jogged off, sort of).
It doesn't matter that the bags under my eyes are big enough to carry my shopping; I can function on 53 minutes of sleep
I have all of John Grisham’s books, only go to bed after yelling at the news and have already written about the virtues of a funky pair of socks. And when Rod Stewart comes on the radio, I always put the car in reverse and announce: “Ah, this takes me back.”
As a childless bachelor, I spent what felt like millennia feigning interest as parents groaned about the woes of having children. Or even worse, as “show moms” cackled with giddiness while forcing me to look at pictures of their babies I never asked to see, only to turn incandescent with rage when I closed my eyes as they scrolled. But now I get it. I have seen the light. I am one of them and it is simply extraordinary. I am one soppy puddle of gooeyness and love.
The questions from my last remaining childless friends barely register: “Aren’t you absolutely exhausted? Are you catching up on sleep now the pregnancy is over? Can I come to your ‘goodbye freedom’ party?”
I’m lost in Mother Nature’s doing. These little souls are perfectly evolved to make parents fall instantly and deeply in love. It doesn't matter that the bags under my eyes are big enough to carry my shopping home; it turns out I can work, drive and function on 53 minutes of sleep.
How I'm preparing for parenting
Amid the many conversations with parents, there is one that I’ll never forget. It’s one that I am endlessly searching to replicate.
After a friend welcomed his daughter, his brother bought her the best present I’ve heard of. Working in the City of London, the financial heart of Europe at the time, he was told about a game-changing invention that could possibly save the world. For a lowly sum of $50, he could take part. Now if it were me, I would’ve told that snake oil salesman to slither on. But he didn’t and now, approaching her teens, his niece still holds the one Bitcoin he bought her.
When I’m not muttering “Ponzi scheme” to myself, and desperately searching for an investment that'll take our boy into the 1 per cent before secondary school, I set goals for how I want to raise him, and any other children we may have.
The main one for me is the total avoidance of social media, better read as freedom from antisocial media. It's not just the vitriol and feelings of inadequacy on rotation; it's the idealistic pictures of parenthood some paint online, their incessant calls for me to “find my tribe” or fist-pumping promises like: “You’ve got this, warrior.”
There will be bad days, he will get sick, I won't always know what's going on. But I’m happy to roll with it instead of self-sabotaging with others in the quest to be superhuman and get everything right. Cavemen did it and I think I can, too – even without TikTok.
When it comes to photos and videos, I adopt the same approach as going to gigs – I want to watch it live, not through a phone screen. A few snaps here and there are enough. You'll never hear a grandparent declare: “Gosh, I wish we had iPhones to shove in our children's faces. We really missed out not being able to document every cough and spit online for people we met on a night out once 12 years ago.”
My main goal for my son is when he asks an honest question, he knows he'll get an honest answer. I always wanted to be treated like an adult when I was young. I wanted to ask about the hard stuff: war and peace, love and hate, were Ross and Rachel really on a break? And I wanted the warts-and-all answers.
So should the boy follow the same route and ask something like: “Where do armies go?”, it’s my duty to give him the proper dad answer: “In your sleevies!”
Happy Father’s Day to all those celebrating.
If you go
The flights
The closest international airport for those travelling from the UAE is Denver, Colorado. British Airways (www.ba.com) flies from the UAE via London from Dh3,700 return, including taxes. From there, transfers can be arranged to the ranch or it’s a seven-hour drive. Alternatively, take an internal flight to the counties of Cody, Casper, or Billings
The stay
Red Reflet offers a series of packages, with prices varying depending on season. All meals and activities are included, with prices starting from US$2,218 (Dh7,150) per person for a minimum stay of three nights, including taxes. For more information, visit red-reflet-ranch.net.
Sheer grandeur
The Owo building is 14 storeys high, seven of which are below ground, with the 30,000 square feet of amenities located subterranean, including a 16-seat private cinema, seven lounges, a gym, games room, treatment suites and bicycle storage.
A clear distinction between the residences and the Raffles hotel with the amenities operated separately.
Dhadak 2
Director: Shazia Iqbal
Starring: Siddhant Chaturvedi, Triptii Dimri
Rating: 1/5
Brahmastra%3A%20Part%20One%20-%20Shiva
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Brief scoreline:
Manchester United 2
Rashford 28', Martial 72'
Watford 1
Doucoure 90'
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
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ANDROID%20VERSION%20NAMES%2C%20IN%20ORDER
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Israel Palestine on Swedish TV 1958-1989
Director: Goran Hugo Olsson
Rating: 5/5
Aayan%E2%80%99s%20records
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
MATCH INFO
CAF Champions League semi-finals first-leg fixtures
Tuesday:
Primeiro Agosto (ANG) v Esperance (TUN) (8pm UAE)
Al Ahly (EGY) v Entente Setif (ALG) (11PM)
Second legs:
October 23
Like a Fading Shadow
Antonio Muñoz Molina
Translated from the Spanish by Camilo A. Ramirez
Tuskar Rock Press (pp. 310)
THE BIO
Favourite author - Paulo Coelho
Favourite holiday destination - Cuba
New York Times or Jordan Times? NYT is a school and JT was my practice field
Role model - My Grandfather
Dream interviewee - Che Guevara
The Saudi Cup race card
1 The Jockey Club Local Handicap (TB) 1,800m (Dirt) $500,000
2 The Riyadh Dirt Sprint (TB) 1,200m (D) $1.500,000
3 The 1351 Turf Sprint 1,351m (Turf) $1,000,000
4 The Saudi Derby (TB) 1600m (D) $800,000
5 The Neom Turf Cup (TB) 2,100m (T) $1,000,000
6 The Obaiya Arabian Classic (PB) 2,000m (D) $1,900,000
7 The Red Sea Turf Handicap (TB) 3,000m (T) $2,500,000
8 The Saudi Cup (TB) 1,800m (D) $20,000,000
POSSIBLE ENGLAND EURO 2020 SQUAD
Goalkeepers: Jordan Pickford, Nick Pope, Dean Henderson.
Defenders: Trent Alexander-Arnold, Kieran Trippier, Joe Gomez, John Stones, Harry Maguire, Tyrone Mings, Ben Chilwell, Fabian Delph.
Midfielders: Declan Rice, Harry Winks, Jordan Henderson, Ross Barkley, Mason Mount, Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain.
Forwards: Harry Kane, Raheem Sterling, Marcus Rashford, Jadon Sancho, Tammy Abraham, Callum Hudson-Odoi.
Company%20Profile
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If you go
Flights
Emirates flies from Dubai to Phnom Penh with a stop in Yangon from Dh3,075, and Etihad flies from Abu Dhabi to Phnom Penh with its partner Bangkok Airlines from Dh2,763. These trips take about nine hours each and both include taxes. From there, a road transfer takes at least four hours; airlines including KC Airlines (www.kcairlines.com) offer quick connecting flights from Phnom Penh to Sihanoukville from about $100 (Dh367) return including taxes. Air Asia, Malindo Air and Malaysian Airlines fly direct from Kuala Lumpur to Sihanoukville from $54 each way. Next year, direct flights are due to launch between Bangkok and Sihanoukville, which will cut the journey time by a third.
The stay
Rooms at Alila Villas Koh Russey (www.alilahotels.com/ kohrussey) cost from $385 per night including taxes.
Company%C2%A0profile
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Book%20Details
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'O'
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The biog
Favourite film: The Notebook
Favourite book: What I know for sure by Oprah Winfrey
Favourite quote: “Social equality is the only basis of human happiness” Nelson Madela. Hometown: Emmen, The Netherlands
Favourite activities: Walking on the beach, eating at restaurants and spending time with friends
Job: Founder and Managing Director of Mawaheb from Beautiful Peopl
The Penguin
Starring: Colin Farrell, Cristin Milioti, Rhenzy Feliz
Creator: Lauren LeFranc
Rating: 4/5
Timeline
2012-2015
The company offers payments/bribes to win key contracts in the Middle East
May 2017
The UK SFO officially opens investigation into Petrofac’s use of agents, corruption, and potential bribery to secure contracts
September 2021
Petrofac pleads guilty to seven counts of failing to prevent bribery under the UK Bribery Act
October 2021
Court fines Petrofac £77 million for bribery. Former executive receives a two-year suspended sentence
December 2024
Petrofac enters into comprehensive restructuring to strengthen the financial position of the group
May 2025
The High Court of England and Wales approves the company’s restructuring plan
July 2025
The Court of Appeal issues a judgment challenging parts of the restructuring plan
August 2025
Petrofac issues a business update to execute the restructuring and confirms it will appeal the Court of Appeal decision
October 2025
Petrofac loses a major TenneT offshore wind contract worth €13 billion. Holding company files for administration in the UK. Petrofac delisted from the London Stock Exchange
November 2025
180 Petrofac employees laid off in the UAE
The specs: 2018 Jeep Grand Cherokee Trackhawk
Price, base: Dh399,999
Engine: Supercharged 6.2-litre V8
Gearbox: Eight-speed automatic
Power: 707hp @ 6,000rpm
Torque: 875Nm @ 4,800rpm
Fuel economy, combined: 16.8L / 100km (estimate)
Groom and Two Brides
Director: Elie Semaan
Starring: Abdullah Boushehri, Laila Abdallah, Lulwa Almulla
Rating: 3/5
Zakat definitions
Zakat: an Arabic word meaning ‘to cleanse’ or ‘purification’.
Nisab: the minimum amount that a Muslim must have before being obliged to pay zakat. Traditionally, the nisab threshold was 87.48 grams of gold, or 612.36 grams of silver. The monetary value of the nisab therefore varies by current prices and currencies.
Zakat Al Mal: the ‘cleansing’ of wealth, as one of the five pillars of Islam; a spiritual duty for all Muslims meeting the ‘nisab’ wealth criteria in a lunar year, to pay 2.5 per cent of their wealth in alms to the deserving and needy.
Zakat Al Fitr: a donation to charity given during Ramadan, before Eid Al Fitr, in the form of food. Every adult Muslim who possesses food in excess of the needs of themselves and their family must pay two qadahs (an old measure just over 2 kilograms) of flour, wheat, barley or rice from each person in a household, as a minimum.
EA Sports FC 26
Publisher: EA Sports
Consoles: PC, PlayStation 4/5, Xbox Series X/S
Rating: 3/5
BORDERLANDS
Starring: Cate Blanchett, Kevin Hart, Jamie Lee Curtis
Director: Eli Roth
Rating: 0/5
Graduated from the American University of Sharjah
She is the eldest of three brothers and two sisters
Has helped solve 15 cases of electric shocks
Enjoys travelling, reading and horse riding
THE SPECS
2020 Toyota Corolla Hybrid LE
Engine: 1.8 litre combined with 16-volt electric motors
Transmission: Automatic with manual shifting mode
Power: 121hp
Torque: 142Nm
Price: Dh95,900
Most%20ODI%20hundreds
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