It is called the empty nest syndrome. But, really, it ought to be called the emptiness syndrome. That is what parents feel when their children leave home. Utterly empty.
When my daughter left for university in August 2019, my days were like that. Their structure dissolved. That was the first thing that happened. When the person who is at the heart of everything you did for 18 years straight is no longer close by, when the person who dictated every waking moment (the school run, homework, outings, weekends) is absent, how can your days retain any semblance of structure?
Bits of our daily lives we would like each other to know about are left unsaid, tugged away in the ebb and flow of the following days
Then there is the business of living in different time zones. I live in Delhi. My daughter studies at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver. In summer, the time difference is twelve-and-a-half hours; in winter, it is thirteen-and-a-half. I am asleep during her waking hours, and she, during mine. So we can’t call each other on a whim after suddenly coming across something to do with the passions we share (books, sport, films).
Every day is choreographed to the dance of the time difference. Our days are bookended by video calls, her face on the screen bringing us virtually closer but reinforcing, at the same time, how far apart we are physically. Sometimes, during the calls, I forget to tell her something I had meant to during the day. Those things vanish, bits of our daily lives we would like each other to know about are left unsaid, tugged away in the ebb and flow of the following days.
The trouble with living on two sides of the world is that neither of us can make a sudden, unplanned visit. Visiting during short breaks within the term are out. We knew all this before she left. But my wife and I had our hearts set on her coming home during the long summer holidays. The pandemic put paid to that. There were no international flights either in the summer of 2020 or last year.
My wife and I are able to spend more quality time with each other. That has helped
Still, we try and make the best of it. If the timing is right (yes, there it is again — the time and the timing), we watch football together. She in her room in Vancouver with a view of clear skies and the mountains, me in my Delhi living room, a patch of inky, night sky visible through the window. But her spot on the sofa remains vacant.
There is a fair amount of writing on how to deal with the empty nest syndrome. When I knew my time was near, I read Celia Dodd’s The Empty Nest: How to Survive and Stay Close to Your Adult Child. Dodd acknowledges how wrenching the experience can be, especially for fathers, and offers an optimistic view of how to embrace this new life.
I saw many of my fellow parents doing that. They partied a lot. (I am a home-is-my-castle sort of bloke, so there was never any question of doing that.) Some, freed from the tyranny of the school calendar, travelled more. My wife and I did, too. But it was never quite the same without our daughter. We are able to spend more quality time with each other. That has helped. As has enhanced amounts of reading, and watching films and TV series.
Just before my daughter left, I saw a huge billboard that had come up on a South Delhi flyover. “Big changes are coming,” the billboard said (it turned out to be an advertisement for a new mall). I would look at the billboard and nod to myself: yes, big changes are coming. I tried to imagine what it would be like, the altered circumstances of my life. I thought a lot about it. But I was never quite able to imagine what it really would be like. Because nothing, absolutely nothing, prepares you for the reality.
The irony is you spend 18 years of your life working towards the very moment that will leave you gutted
When the time came, it was visceral. After she left, I would wander into her room sometimes. But I found it disturbing. Her absence seemed amplified by the things she had left behind: a pair of house slippers in front of the wardrobe, the shelves of books, the empty study table. Even the silence had a forlorn quality.
You will get used to it, people told me. More than three years after my daughter left home, I have not got used to it. Floating between sleep and wakefulness, I still have days when I feel certain she is asleep in her room down the hall. I have had to construct a new reality. I am still learning to inhabit it.
A lot of parents across the world go through this. In that, I know I am not alone. The irony is you spend 18 years of your life working towards the very moment that will leave you gutted.
In this regard, I always think of Arundhati Roy’s dedication in The God of Small Things. She dedicates the novel to her mother, “who loved me enough to let me go”. It is what, as parents, we teach ourselves to do: to love them enough to let them go.
I find it delightful to see my daughter forging her new life, being happy, making friends. I feel an acute pleasure and pride in seeing her life progress along new avenues.
The thing is, my daily life is still the same. Only, it has in it a daughter-shaped hole.
A leading Indian journalist, Soumya Bhattacharya is the author of six books of fiction, non-fiction and memoir. Among them is 'Dad’s the Word: The Perils and Pleasures of Fatherhood'
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Tips for newlyweds to better manage finances
All couples are unique and have to create a financial blueprint that is most suitable for their relationship, says Vijay Valecha, chief investment officer at Century Financial. He offers his top five tips for couples to better manage their finances.
Discuss your assets and debts: When married, it’s important to understand each other’s personal financial situation. It’s necessary to know upfront what each party brings to the table, as debts and assets affect spending habits and joint loan qualifications. Discussing all aspects of their finances as a couple prevents anyone from being blindsided later.
Decide on the financial/saving goals: Spouses should independently list their top goals and share their lists with one another to shape a joint plan. Writing down clear goals will help them determine how much to save each month, how much to put aside for short-term goals, and how they will reach their long-term financial goals.
Set a budget: A budget can keep the couple be mindful of their income and expenses. With a monthly budget, couples will know exactly how much they can spend in a category each month, how much they have to work with and what spending areas need to be evaluated.
Decide who manages what: When it comes to handling finances, it’s a good idea to decide who manages what. For example, one person might take on the day-to-day bills, while the other tackles long-term investments and retirement plans.
Money date nights: Talking about money should be a healthy, ongoing conversation and couples should not wait for something to go wrong. They should set time aside every month to talk about future financial decisions and see the progress they’ve made together towards accomplishing their goals.
Results
2.30pm: Park Avenue – Conditions (PA) Dh80,000 (Dirt) 2,000m; Winner: Rb Seqondtonone, Abdul Aziz Al Balushi (jockey), Helal Al Alawi (trainer)
3.05pm: Al Furjan – Maiden (TB) Dh82,500 (Turf) 1,200m; Winner: Bosphorus, Dane O’Neill, Bhupat Seemar
3.40pm: Mina – Rated Condition (TB) Dh105,000 (D) 1,600m; Winner: Royal Mews, Tadhg O’Shea, Bhupat Seemar
4.15pm: Aliyah – Handicap (TB) Dh87,500 (T) 1,900m; Winner: Ursa Minor, Ray Dawson, Ahmad bin Harmash
4.50pm: Riviera Beach – Rated Conditions (TB) Dh95,000 (D) 2,200m; Winner: Woodditton, Saif Al Balushi, Ahmad bin Harmash
5.25pm: Riviera – Handicap (TB) Dh2,000 (T) 2,000m; Winner: Al Madhar, Antonio Fresu, Musabah Al Muhairi
6pm: Creek Views – Handicap (TB) Dh95,000 (T) 1,400m; Winner: Al Salt, Dane O’Neill, Erwan Charpy
Fight card
Preliminaries:
Nouredine Samir (UAE) v Sheroz Kholmirzav (UZB); Lucas Porst (SWE) v Ellis Barboza (GBR); Mouhmad Amine Alharar (MAR) v Mohammed Mardi (UAE); Ibrahim Bilal (UAE) v Spyro Besiri (GRE); Aslamjan Ortikov (UZB) v Joshua Ridgwell (GBR)
Main card:
Carlos Prates (BRA) v Dmitry Valent (BLR); Bobirjon Tagiev (UZB) v Valentin Thibaut (FRA); Arthur Meyer (FRA) v Hicham Moujtahid (BEL); Ines Es Salehy (BEL) v Myriame Djedidi (FRA); Craig Coakley (IRE) v Deniz Demirkapu (TUR); Artem Avanesov (ARM) v Badreddine Attif (MAR); Abdulvosid Buranov (RUS) v Akram Hamidi (FRA)
Title card:
Intercontinental Lightweight: Ilyass Habibali (UAE) v Angel Marquez (ESP)
Intercontinental Middleweight: Amine El Moatassime (UAE) v Francesco Iadanza (ITA)
Asian Featherweight: Zakaria El Jamari (UAE) v Phillip Delarmino (PHI)
Five hymns the crowds can join in
Papal Mass will begin at 10.30am at the Zayed Sports City Stadium on Tuesday
Some 17 hymns will be sung by a 120-strong UAE choir
Five hymns will be rehearsed with crowds on Tuesday morning before the Pope arrives at stadium
‘Christ be our Light’ as the entrance song
‘All that I am’ for the offertory or during the symbolic offering of gifts at the altar
‘Make me a Channel of your Peace’ and ‘Soul of my Saviour’ for the communion
‘Tell out my Soul’ as the final hymn after the blessings from the Pope
The choir will also sing the hymn ‘Legions of Heaven’ in Arabic as ‘Assakiroo Sama’
There are 15 Arabic speakers from Syria, Lebanon and Jordan in the choir that comprises residents from the Philippines, India, France, Italy, America, Netherlands, Armenia and Indonesia
The choir will be accompanied by a brass ensemble and an organ
They will practice for the first time at the stadium on the eve of the public mass on Monday evening
Awar Qalb
Director: Jamal Salem
Starring: Abdulla Zaid, Joma Ali, Neven Madi and Khadija Sleiman
Two stars
Vidaamuyarchi
Director: Magizh Thirumeni
Stars: Ajith Kumar, Arjun Sarja, Trisha Krishnan, Regina Cassandra
Rating: 4/5
Race results:
1. Thani Al Qemzi (UAE) Team Abu Dhabi: 46.44 min
2. Peter Morin (FRA) CTIC F1 Shenzhen China Team: 0.91sec
3. Sami Selio (FIN) Mad-Croc Baba Racing Team: 31.43sec
More on Quran memorisation:
Company Profile:
Name: The Protein Bakeshop
Date of start: 2013
Founders: Rashi Chowdhary and Saad Umerani
Based: Dubai
Size, number of employees: 12
Funding/investors: $400,000 (2018)
MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE – FINAL RECKONING
Director: Christopher McQuarrie
Starring: Tom Cruise, Hayley Atwell, Simon Pegg
Rating: 4/5
Company Profile
Name: Thndr
Started: 2019
Co-founders: Ahmad Hammouda and Seif Amr
Sector: FinTech
Headquarters: Egypt
UAE base: Hub71, Abu Dhabi
Current number of staff: More than 150
Funds raised: $22 million
Gothia Cup 2025
4,872 matches
1,942 teams
116 pitches
76 nations
26 UAE teams
15 Lebanese teams
2 Kuwaiti teams
Dubai World Cup prize money
Group 1 (Purebred Arabian) 2000m Dubai Kahayla Classic - $750,000
Group 2 1,600m(Dirt) Godolphin Mile - $750,000
Group 2 3,200m (Turf) Dubai Gold Cup – $750,000
Group 1 1,200m (Turf) Al Quoz Sprint – $1,000,000
Group 2 1,900m(Dirt) UAE Derby – $750,000
Group 1 1,200m (Dirt) Dubai Golden Shaheen – $1,500,000
Group 1 1,800m (Turf) Dubai Turf – $4,000,000
Group 1 2,410m (Turf) Dubai Sheema Classic – $5,000,000
Group 1 2,000m (Dirt) Dubai World Cup– $12,000,000
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Bib%20Gourmand%20restaurants
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