Nada El Sawy with her mother, centre, dad, right and her two brothers in April 2018 in Los Angeles, California, where Nada grew up and where her dad and brothers still live. Courtesy Nada El Sawy
Nada El Sawy with her mother, centre, dad, right and her two brothers in April 2018 in Los Angeles, California, where Nada grew up and where her dad and brothers still live. Courtesy Nada El Sawy
Nada El Sawy with her mother, centre, dad, right and her two brothers in April 2018 in Los Angeles, California, where Nada grew up and where her dad and brothers still live. Courtesy Nada El Sawy
Nada El Sawy with her mother, centre, dad, right and her two brothers in April 2018 in Los Angeles, California, where Nada grew up and where her dad and brothers still live. Courtesy Nada El Sawy

Moving forward with grief: 'How I’ve learnt to live a year after losing my mother'


Nada El Sawy
  • English
  • Arabic

My mother is still on our family WhatsApp group, even though it has been exactly a year since she died of cancer.

We thought about removing her from the group when she was in the intensive care unit and we started using the app to discuss what the doctors were telling us – her white blood cell count was out of control, her kidney was not functioning. We then thought about removing her from the group when she was placed in an induced coma: we didn't want her to read about our panic and fear after she came out of the coma, when she got better.

But she did not come out of the coma, she did not get better. She had been admitted to the ICU on a Tuesday, I arrived in Los Angeles from Dubai on a Thursday, and on Sunday morning, June 24 – barely four months after being diagnosed with lymphoma – my 60-year-old vibrant mother was gone.

Rationally, I know that everybody dies but emotionally, there are moments when I still cannot believe or accept this has happened.

The next day, one of my two brothers forwarded a message of condolence on our WhatsApp group. I mistakenly sent a reply from my mother’s mobile: “from who?” I wrote. When I realised my mistake, I hurriedly tried to delete the message, but before I could get the chance, my dad wrote, “WhatsApp working from up there in the Cloud?”

It was a lighthearted moment in a time of deep sadness and shock. Those first days were the toughest, but there have been many difficult days over the past year. When I find myself thinking: "I wish my mum were here", sometimes I feel the only way to cope is to believe that she still is.

My Muslim faith has guided me somewhat in this belief, although there really is no knowing what comes after death. We learn about the soul leaving the body, about Judgment Day, about heaven and hell. But no one knows what actually happens to our souls upon death, regardless of religion.

We had to simplify things for our three children then aged seven, nine and 12, telling them that Nana is in heaven, that she is in a better place. My husband had the difficult task of breaking the news to them and through everyone's tears, he assured them, "Now you can talk to Nana whenever you want, because she's always with you".

I look to my wise grandmother, who was devastated to lose her daughter, but remained spiritually strong. On my mother’s birthday on May 20, she gathered family at her apartment in Cairo. Although it was a sombre occasion, my grandma chose to honour and celebrate the 60 years of my mother’s life, rather than lament the year since her death. She gave a short speech in which she thanked God for her many blessings and said that she dreams of her daughter, and it’s as if she is visiting her in her sleep.

I am not sure how long we will keep my mother on our WhatsApp group. It could be seen as being in denial or not moving on, but symbolically, it feels difficult to remove her.

Friends who have lost parents have told me to watch for the signs. One close friend, whose father died from lung cancer when she was in her twenties, told me "energy never dies, it simply changes form". Another friend, who lost her father to cancer a couple of years ago, said she feels her dad's presence all around her and assured me, "You will be amazed at the signs you will see." 

I do believe in that. My dad feels my mother’s presence in the bright yellow roses blooming outside his home office window in Los Angeles, their long stems stretching to peer inside. I have had dreams of her, some comforting and some melancholic. Mainly I feel her when I think: “she would have done this” or “she would have wanted me to do this”.

These small things give me consolation, but it is not easy to “move on” with one’s life. The so-called stages of grief – denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance – are not linear. Rationally, I know that everybody dies and everybody has lost someone close to them or will lose someone close to them at some point. Emotionally, there are moments when I still cannot believe or accept this has happened.

So how does one cope? Another friend, who has lost both of her parents, sent me a Ted Talk that resonated with me called: "We don't 'move on' from grief. We move forward with it." And another friend, whose father and sister died in the past two years, advised me "don't think about her death, think about her life".

It is not easy to force yourself to change your perspective, but once you do, things become easier. In December, we decided to go on a ­Luxor-Aswan Nile cruise with my grandma and dad. He had hesitations at first: this is the same trip we did as a family in 1991 when I was 12 years old. When we took the view that she would be with us on this trip in some way, it shifted the feeling away from sadness.

This summer we will take another trip that will undoubtedly be emotional – a road trip up to Palo Alto, California, where my parents began their married life nearly 41 years ago and where I was born. My mother had wanted to do this road trip two summers ago. She wanted to show our eldest son the Stanford University campus, and I said, “It’s too early for that.”

I could now wallow in regret that I did not take that chance, or I could take the view that she will be with us this summer.

I am not sure how long we will keep my mother on our WhatsApp group. It could be seen as being in denial or not moving on, but symbolically, it feels difficult to remove her.

Besides, it is a nice way to keep her up to date with all our news, while she is up there in the Cloud.

MIDWAY

Produced: Lionsgate Films, Shanghai Ryui Entertainment, Street Light Entertainment
Directed: Roland Emmerich
Cast: Ed Skrein, Woody Harrelson, Dennis Quaid, Aaron Eckhart, Luke Evans, Nick Jonas, Mandy Moore, Darren Criss
Rating: 3.5/5 stars

Labour dispute

The insured employee may still file an ILOE claim even if a labour dispute is ongoing post termination, but the insurer may suspend or reject payment, until the courts resolve the dispute, especially if the reason for termination is contested. The outcome of the labour court proceedings can directly affect eligibility.


- Abdullah Ishnaneh, Partner, BSA Law 

The five stages of early child’s play

From Dubai-based clinical psychologist Daniella Salazar:

1. Solitary Play: This is where Infants and toddlers start to play on their own without seeming to notice the people around them. This is the beginning of play.

2. Onlooker play: This occurs where the toddler enjoys watching other people play. There doesn’t necessarily need to be any effort to begin play. They are learning how to imitate behaviours from others. This type of play may also appear in children who are more shy and introverted.

3. Parallel Play: This generally starts when children begin playing side-by-side without any interaction. Even though they aren’t physically interacting they are paying attention to each other. This is the beginning of the desire to be with other children.

4. Associative Play: At around age four or five, children become more interested in each other than in toys and begin to interact more. In this stage children start asking questions and talking about the different activities they are engaging in. They realise they have similar goals in play such as building a tower or playing with cars.

5. Social Play: In this stage children are starting to socialise more. They begin to share ideas and follow certain rules in a game. They slowly learn the definition of teamwork. They get to engage in basic social skills and interests begin to lead social interactions.

WWE TLC results

Asuka won the SmackDown Women's title in a TLC triple threat with Becky Lynch and Charlotte Flair

Dean Ambrose won the Intercontinental title against Seth Rollins

Daniel Bryan retained the WWE World Heavyweight Championship against AJ Styles

Ronda Rousey retained the Raw Women's Championship against Nia Jax

Rey Mysterio beat Randy Orton in a chairs match

Finn Balor defeated Drew McIntyre

Natalya beat Ruby Riott in a tables match

Braun Strowman beat Baron Corbin in a TLC match

Sheamus and Cesaro retained the SmackDown Tag Titles against The Usos and New Day

R-Truth and Carmella won the Mixed Match Challenge by beating Jinder Mahal and Alicia Fox

ESSENTIALS

The flights

Emirates flies from Dubai to Phnom Penh via Yangon from Dh2,700 return including taxes. Cambodia Bayon Airlines and Cambodia Angkor Air offer return flights from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap from Dh250 return including taxes. The flight takes about 45 minutes.

The hotels

Rooms at the Raffles Le Royal in Phnom Penh cost from $225 (Dh826) per night including taxes. Rooms at the Grand Hotel d'Angkor cost from $261 (Dh960) per night including taxes.

The tours

A cyclo architecture tour of Phnom Penh costs from $20 (Dh75) per person for about three hours, with Khmer Architecture Tours. Tailor-made tours of all of Cambodia, or sites like Angkor alone, can be arranged by About Asia Travel. Emirates Holidays also offers packages. 

UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
FIXTURES

Monday, January 28
Iran v Japan, Hazza bin Zayed Stadium (6pm)

Tuesday, January 29
UAEv Qatar, Mohamed Bin Zayed Stadium (6pm)

Friday, February 1
Final, Zayed Sports City Stadium (6pm)

COMPANY%20PROFILE
%3Cp%3E%3Cstrong%3ECompany%20name%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20OneOrder%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EStarted%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20March%202022%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EFounders%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Tamer%20Amer%20and%20Karim%20Maurice%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EBased%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Cairo%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3ENumber%20of%20staff%3A%20%3C%2Fstrong%3E82%3Cbr%3E%3Cstrong%3EInvestment%20stage%3A%3C%2Fstrong%3E%20Series%20A%3C%2Fp%3E%0A
Generational responses to the pandemic

Devesh Mamtani from Century Financial believes the cash-hoarding tendency of each generation is influenced by what stage of the employment cycle they are in. He offers the following insights:

Baby boomers (those born before 1964): Owing to market uncertainty and the need to survive amid competition, many in this generation are looking for options to hoard more cash and increase their overall savings/investments towards risk-free assets.

Generation X (born between 1965 and 1980): Gen X is currently in its prime working years. With their personal and family finances taking a hit, Generation X is looking at multiple options, including taking out short-term loan facilities with competitive interest rates instead of dipping into their savings account.

Millennials (born between 1981 and 1996): This market situation is giving them a valuable lesson about investing early. Many millennials who had previously not saved or invested are looking to start doing so now.

What are the influencer academy modules?
  1. Mastery of audio-visual content creation. 
  2. Cinematography, shots and movement.
  3. All aspects of post-production.
  4. Emerging technologies and VFX with AI and CGI.
  5. Understanding of marketing objectives and audience engagement.
  6. Tourism industry knowledge.
  7. Professional ethics.
Match info

Manchester United 0-0 Crystal Palace

Man of the match: Cheikhou Kouyate (Crystal Palace)

Premier League results

Saturday

Crystal Palace 1 Brighton & Hove Albion 2

Cardiff City 2 West Ham United 0

Huddersfield Town 0 Bournemouth 2

Leicester City 3 Fulham 1

Newcastle United 3 Everton 2

Southampton 2 Tottenham Hotspur 1

Manchester City 3 Watford 1

Sunday

Liverpool 4 Burnley 2

Chelsea 1 Wolverhampton Wanderers 1

Arsenal 2 Manchester United 0

 

Most sought after workplace benefits in the UAE
  • Flexible work arrangements
  • Pension support
  • Mental well-being assistance
  • Insurance coverage for optical, dental, alternative medicine, cancer screening
  • Financial well-being incentives 
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Brief scoreline:

Manchester United 1

Mata 11'

Chelsea 1

Alonso 43'

25-MAN SQUAD

Goalkeepers: Francis Uzoho, Ikechukwu Ezenwa, Daniel Akpeyi
Defenders: Olaoluwa Aina, Abdullahi Shehu, Chidozie Awaziem, William Ekong, Leon Balogun, Kenneth Omeruo, Jamilu Collins, Semi Ajayi 
Midfielders: John Obi Mikel, Wilfred Ndidi, Oghenekaro Etebo, John Ogu
Forwards: Ahmed Musa, Victor Osimhen, Moses Simon, Henry Onyekuru, Odion Ighalo, Alexander Iwobi, Samuel Kalu, Paul Onuachu, Kelechi Iheanacho, Samuel Chukwueze 

On Standby: Theophilus Afelokhai, Bryan Idowu, Ikouwem Utin, Mikel Agu, Junior Ajayi, Valentine Ozornwafor

What can victims do?

Always use only regulated platforms

Stop all transactions and communication on suspicion

Save all evidence (screenshots, chat logs, transaction IDs)

Report to local authorities

Warn others to prevent further harm

Courtesy: Crystal Intelligence

Specs
Engine: Electric motor generating 54.2kWh (Cooper SE and Aceman SE), 64.6kW (Countryman All4 SE)
Power: 218hp (Cooper and Aceman), 313hp (Countryman)
Torque: 330Nm (Cooper and Aceman), 494Nm (Countryman)
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh158,000 (Cooper), Dh168,000 (Aceman), Dh190,000 (Countryman)
Brief scoreline:

Toss: South Africa, elected to bowl first

England (311-8): Stokes 89, Morgan 57, Roy 54, Root 51; Ngidi 3-66

South Africa (207): De Kock 68, Van der Dussen 50; Archer 3-27, Stokes 2-12

NBA Finals so far

(Toronto lead 3-1 in best-of-seven series_

Game 1 Raptors 118 Warriors 109

Game 2 Raptors 104 Warriors 109

Game 3 Warriors 109 Raptors 123

Game 4 Warriors 92 Raptors 105

Fixtures

Opening day Premier League fixtures for August 9-11

August 9

Liverpool v Norwich 11pm

August 10

West Ham v Man City 3.30pm

Bournemouth v Sheffield Utd 6pm

Burnley v Southampton 6pm

C Palace v Everton 6pm

Leicester v Wolves 6pm

Watford v Brighton 6pm

Tottenham v Aston Villa 8.30pm

August 11

Newcastle v Arsenal 5pm

Man United v Chelsea 7.30pm