A year ago, at the peak of the unrest at American university campuses over the war in Gaza, I was asked to address a conference on the topic “How to Conduct Civil Discourse”. I relished the opportunity to do this because the issue of how to engage in civil discourse was (and remains) both timely and necessary.
Americans live in a deeply toxic environment in which the political and cultural gaps that separate them appear unbridgeable. Whether in the US’s foreign relations or congressional debates, in its communities or families, people on opposite sides of issues often seem more interested in scoring points than in reaching understanding.
As I began to prepare my remarks, I reflected on four important lessons I learnt from people who have mattered in my life.
In my teens, I confess, I was a bit of a precocious know-it-all. I loved ideas and would argue my beliefs with anyone who crossed my path. One afternoon, my mother and I were visiting an aunt. Before long, my aunt and I became engaged in a debate over the meaning of some New Testament story.
At one point, my mother intervened, telling me: “Stop and look at yourself. You’re sitting on the edge of your seat. You say your piece and the minute your aunt begins to respond, you’re ready to pounce. You don’t listen to a word she’s saying because all you can think of is your rebuttal. If you don’t listen to her, she won’t hear you. Because you’re talking at her and not with her.”
She would also say: “Don’t be wrong at the top of your voice.” Volume isn’t the measure of rightness. Speaking loudly may make you feel good, but because it’s off-putting to those with whom you are conversing, instead of opening ears, it often shuts down conversation.
In the same vein, early in my career, my wife Eileen would come to my speeches and sit at the back of the room, in a place where I could see her. I was young and prone to using incendiary language. When I would step over the line and say something overly harsh or just plain crude, Eileen would wince. Her point was that, while I might think using such language had shock value, in fact, it was at best a distraction, and at worst a turnoff, to many in the audience.
I learnt that if I was trying to convey the pain of a much-beleaguered people, I had the responsibility of speaking to people they would never be able to address. I had to respect the audience I was trying to reach so that they would want to hear my message.
In the aftermath of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, I became aware of the broader applications of these simple lessons in listening and civil discourse. I was invited to serve with a number of foreign policy experts and former elected and appointed government officials on a Council on Foreign Relations task force on public diplomacy. The issue being explored was how to relate to the Arab world in this era. For some of my colleagues, the ideas that were proposed ranged from bombing Iraq to lecturing them on democracy.
About this same time, my brother John and I were asked by foundations in the Arab world to conduct two separate polls: one to examine what Arabs think about their values and concerns, the other to measure Arabs’ attitudes about America.
What we found was that the principal concerns of most Arabs were their families and their futures. They wanted good jobs, quality health care, educational opportunities for their children, and safety and security in their communities. We also learnt that contrary to views widely held by Americans, Arabs liked the US – its people, educational system, products and its culture and values. What they didn’t like was how America treated them.
These results not only helped inform my task force discussions, but also prepared me for meetings with the undersecretaries for public diplomacy in George W Bush’s administration. I had the opportunity to meet each of the people Mr Bush appointed to this post.
The prerequisite for any real communication must be the recognition of the importance of understanding the needs and concerns of the 'other'
When each asked me what I would recommend, I suggested that in their travels to Arab countries they shouldn’t begin by lecturing. Instead, I advised them to ask questions and listen. I would say: “Don’t presume you know what they’re thinking or what they want to hear from you.”
At about this same time, I was invited by Sheikh Abdullah bin Zayed, Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of Foreign Affairs, to meet a group of ministers from Gulf countries to discuss how they could help to heal the divide between their region and America. As the meeting progressed, a number of the ministers were critical of US efforts to engage them and had a variety of views as to what they should do to improve their image with Americans.
Through it all, Sheikh Abdullah listened and understood what many of his colleagues did not: Americans didn’t understand Arabs and Arabs didn’t understand Americans. Therefore, despite best intentions, the efforts of both sides would miss the mark.
Reflecting on failed attempts at public diplomacy on both sides, he noted: “You know, in the end, we Arabs will never be able to help Americans understand us unless we understand them first. Similarly, Americans will never succeed in their efforts to communicate to us who they are unless they take the time to know us first.”
That simple lesson must undergird any effort at civil discourse. Where differences exist, the prerequisite for any real communication must be the recognition of the importance of understanding the needs and concerns of the “other”. As the American civil rights activist and politician Rev Jesse Jackson might say: only if I attempt to understand them and directly address them, will they be able to open up to understanding me.
And so, the lessons are simple: listen before you speak, speak softly and avoid harsh rhetoric, respect your audience, and try to speak to their concerns in order to open their minds to hearing you.
GOODBYE%20JULIA
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Dubai World Cup factbox
Most wins by a trainer: Godolphin’s Saeed bin Suroor(9)
Most wins by a jockey: Jerry Bailey(4)
Most wins by an owner: Godolphin(9)
Most wins by a horse: Godolphin’s Thunder Snow(2)
The biog
Hobbies: Writing and running
Favourite sport: beach volleyball
Favourite holiday destinations: Turkey and Puerto Rico
Our legal consultants
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Company%20profile
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Drivers’ championship standings after Singapore:
1. Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes - 263
2. Sebastian Vettel, Ferrari - 235
3. Valtteri Bottas, Mercedes - 212
4. Daniel Ricciardo, Red Bull - 162
5. Kimi Raikkonen, Ferrari - 138
6. Sergio Perez, Force India - 68
Poacher
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Who's who in Yemen conflict
Houthis: Iran-backed rebels who occupy Sanaa and run unrecognised government
Yemeni government: Exiled government in Aden led by eight-member Presidential Leadership Council
Southern Transitional Council: Faction in Yemeni government that seeks autonomy for the south
Habrish 'rebels': Tribal-backed forces feuding with STC over control of oil in government territory
EA Sports FC 25
Developer: EA Vancouver, EA Romania
Publisher: EA Sports
Consoles: Nintendo Switch, PlayStation 4&5, Xbox One and Xbox Series X/S
Rating: 3.5/5
'The Coddling of the American Mind: How Good Intentions and Bad Ideas are Setting up a Generation for Failure'
Greg Lukianoff and Jonathan Haidt, Penguin Randomhouse
MATCH INFO
Uefa Champions League semi-final, first leg
Bayern Munich v Real Madrid
When: April 25, 10.45pm kick-off (UAE)
Where: Allianz Arena, Munich
Live: BeIN Sports HD
Second leg: May 1, Santiago Bernabeu, Madrid
Gothia Cup 2025
4,872 matches
1,942 teams
116 pitches
76 nations
26 UAE teams
15 Lebanese teams
2 Kuwaiti teams
Classification of skills
A worker is categorised as skilled by the MOHRE based on nine levels given in the International Standard Classification of Occupations (ISCO) issued by the International Labour Organisation.
A skilled worker would be someone at a professional level (levels 1 – 5) which includes managers, professionals, technicians and associate professionals, clerical support workers, and service and sales workers.
The worker must also have an attested educational certificate higher than secondary or an equivalent certification, and earn a monthly salary of at least Dh4,000.
Start-up hopes to end Japan's love affair with cash
Across most of Asia, people pay for taxi rides, restaurant meals and merchandise with smartphone-readable barcodes — except in Japan, where cash still rules. Now, as the country’s biggest web companies race to dominate the payments market, one Tokyo-based startup says it has a fighting chance to win with its QR app.
Origami had a head start when it introduced a QR-code payment service in late 2015 and has since signed up fast-food chain KFC, Tokyo’s largest cab company Nihon Kotsu and convenience store operator Lawson. The company raised $66 million in September to expand nationwide and plans to more than double its staff of about 100 employees, says founder Yoshiki Yasui.
Origami is betting that stores, which until now relied on direct mail and email newsletters, will pay for the ability to reach customers on their smartphones. For example, a hair salon using Origami’s payment app would be able to send a message to past customers with a coupon for their next haircut.
Quick Response codes, the dotted squares that can be read by smartphone cameras, were invented in the 1990s by a unit of Toyota Motor to track automotive parts. But when the Japanese pioneered digital payments almost two decades ago with contactless cards for train fares, they chose the so-called near-field communications technology. The high cost of rolling out NFC payments, convenient ATMs and a culture where lost wallets are often returned have all been cited as reasons why cash remains king in the archipelago. In China, however, QR codes dominate.
Cashless payments, which includes credit cards, accounted for just 20 per cent of total consumer spending in Japan during 2016, compared with 60 per cent in China and 89 per cent in South Korea, according to a report by the Bank of Japan.
TOP 5 DRIVERS 2019
1 Lewis Hamilton, Mercedes, 10 wins 387 points
2 Valtteri Bottas, Mercedes, 4 wins, 314 points
3 Max Verstappen, Red Bull, 3 wins, 260 points
4 Charles Leclerc, Ferrari, 2 wins, 249 points
5 Sebastian Vettel, Ferrari, 1 win, 230 points
Our legal consultant
Name: Hassan Mohsen Elhais
Position: legal consultant with Al Rowaad Advocates and Legal Consultants.
Desert Warrior
Starring: Anthony Mackie, Aiysha Hart, Ben Kingsley
Director: Rupert Wyatt
Rating: 3/5
The specs
Engine: 2.0-litre 4cyl turbo
Power: 261hp at 5,500rpm
Torque: 405Nm at 1,750-3,500rpm
Transmission: 9-speed auto
Fuel consumption: 6.9L/100km
On sale: Now
Price: From Dh117,059
Blonde
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More coverage from the Future Forum
COMPANY PROFILE
Initial investment: Undisclosed
Investment stage: Series A
Investors: Core42
Current number of staff: 47
Kanguva
Director: Siva
Stars: Suriya, Bobby Deol, Disha Patani, Yogi Babu, Redin Kingsley
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The specs: 2019 Chevrolet Bolt EV
Price, base: Dh138,000 (estimate)
Engine: 60kWh battery
Transmission: Single-speed Electronic Precision Shift
Power: 204hp
Torque: 360Nm
Range: 520km (claimed)
Silent Hill f
Publisher: Konami
Platforms: PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X/S, PC
Rating: 4.5/5
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
if you go
The flights
Emirates have direct flights from Dubai to Glasgow from Dh3,115. Alternatively, if you want to see a bit of Edinburgh first, then you can fly there direct with Etihad from Abu Dhabi.
The hotel
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Located in the heart of Mackintosh's Glasgow, the Dakota Deluxe is perhaps the most refined hotel anywhere in the city. Doubles from Dh850
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Events and tours
There are various Mackintosh specific events throughout 2018 – for more details and to see a map of his surviving designs see glasgowmackintosh.com
For walking tours focussing on the Glasgow Style, see the website of the Glasgow School of Art.
More information
For ideas on planning a trip to Scotland, visit www.visitscotland.com
Countries recognising Palestine
France, UK, Canada, Australia, Portugal, Belgium, Malta, Luxembourg, San Marino and Andorra
The White Lotus: Season three
Creator: Mike White
Starring: Walton Goggins, Jason Isaacs, Natasha Rothwell
Rating: 4.5/5
French business
France has organised a delegation of leading businesses to travel to Syria. The group was led by French shipping giant CMA CGM, which struck a 30-year contract in May with the Syrian government to develop and run Latakia port. Also present were water and waste management company Suez, defence multinational Thales, and Ellipse Group, which is currently looking into rehabilitating Syrian hospitals.
Profile of MoneyFellows
Founder: Ahmed Wadi
Launched: 2016
Employees: 76
Financing stage: Series A ($4 million)
Investors: Partech, Sawari Ventures, 500 Startups, Dubai Angel Investors, Phoenician Fund
Who was Alfred Nobel?
The Nobel Prize was created by wealthy Swedish chemist and entrepreneur Alfred Nobel.
- In his will he dictated that the bulk of his estate should be used to fund "prizes to those who, during the preceding year, have conferred the greatest benefit to humankind".
- Nobel is best known as the inventor of dynamite, but also wrote poetry and drama and could speak Russian, French, English and German by the age of 17. The five original prize categories reflect the interests closest to his heart.
- Nobel died in 1896 but it took until 1901, following a legal battle over his will, before the first prizes were awarded.
