The sound of bullets zigzagging between my feet and vanishing into the sand was almost mesmerising. It didn’t feel real, not until an armed man shouted at me to take cover.
I ducked behind a car, alone. A van barely three metres away was packed with journalists. One bodyguard stood by the door, yelling for me to run to them. I sprinted through the open space, bullets ringing in my ears. Those were the longest two seconds of my life.
Libya 2011 was the most brutal experience I’d known as a journalist. Then came Gaza.
I’ve never been to Gaza. Since the war began, I’ve been guiding coverage from the newsroom. But, as ashamed as I am to admit this, compared with what others endure there, every day felt like another Libya: a sprint between reality and death, trying to make sense of how mass killing could become routine, how impunity could become normal.
No matter what we produced, how many stories or headlines, it never felt enough. It wasn’t enough to capture the scale of injustice on the ground. That realisation, that our words had limits, has haunted me for 24 months.
When the ceasefire was announced on Friday, my mind went instantly to the journalists who were killed covering this war. Fathers. Mothers. People who risked everything just to tell the truth and were killed by Israeli fire. I saw videos of journalists announcing the end of the war as they walked through the darkened streets of Gaza, their voices trembling between disbelief and exhaustion. Others held up photos of colleagues they had lost. It stirred a strange, exhausting mix of emotions in me: guilt that I wasn’t there, relief that the killing had finally paused, and anger that no one would ever be held accountable.
One of the most terrifying moments in the past two years came when my colleague on the ground, Nagham Mohanna, went silent after her area was bombed. She disappeared for hours. We called every contact we had in Gaza, desperate for any sign she was alive. When we finally heard she was safe, the relief was overwhelming.
Nagham, a mother of two, decided soon after to leave Gaza. She walked for several kilometres with her children and a few belongings, crossing into Egypt and then to a country where she didn’t speak the language and knew no one. I hadn’t met her yet. I knew her only from a photo, and her voice from our WhatsApp messages: calm, guiding her children as they walked under Israeli fire. I kept imagining the scene, drawing on the wire photos I’d seen of other mothers on that same path.
At the desk, there’s another kind of struggle, asking colleagues to write about Gaza, scrolling through photo after photo of bodies, ruins and grief, trying to choose one image that tells the story. It reminded me of 2006, when I worked at a newspaper in Beirut during another Gaza war. One night, I went to check if the editor handling the Gaza story had finished. I found him crying, scrolling through wire photos. He stopped at a picture of a mother killed with her three children at their doorstep, their bodies tangled together after an Israeli strike. He couldn’t move on. I had to step in and push him to keep going. He did, every day, through tears, until the war ended with the same outcome. Just like this one.
Maybe this ceasefire will hold, so one day I can tell my daughter she was born at a time of peace
Israel’s war in Gaza has dragged on for two years, but something in me shifted exactly nine months ago, when I found out I was going to be a father. My years covering war zones, especially in Iraq, had already changed me. They brought me close to people, and somehow made me calmer, more patient, more adaptable. But this time, Gaza felt different. Covering this war while knowing I was about to raise a child in this world created something new in me, something I still can’t name. It reminded me of when grief first hit me four years ago and never really left. Like seeing a new colour for the first time.
Today, there’s a ceasefire. And in two weeks, I’ll be a father. That thought brings me hope that maybe this ceasefire will hold, so one day I can tell my daughter she was born at a time of peace. And maybe, just maybe, I can take her to Gaza, to see the olive trees, to meet the warm Palestinians of that generous land, and to swim in the now off-limits sea.
I don’t know if I’ll still be a journalist then. But I know I won’t be going there to report. I’ll be going so she can believe that beauty can still grow from a place that has seen so much pain.
And to meet one of her father’s heroes: Nagham, and her kids.
When Umm Kulthum performed in Abu Dhabi
Known as The Lady of Arabic Song, Umm Kulthum performed in Abu Dhabi on November 28, 1971, as part of celebrations for the fifth anniversary of the accession of Sheikh Zayed bin Sultan Al Nahyan as Ruler of Abu Dhabi. A concert hall was constructed for the event on land that is now Al Nahyan Stadium, behind Al Wahda Mall. The audience were treated to many of Kulthum's most well-known songs as part of the sold-out show, including Aghadan Alqak and Enta Omri.
More from Neighbourhood Watch:
Day 2, Abu Dhabi Test: At a glance
Moment of the day Dinesh Chandimal has inherited a challenging job, after being made Sri Lanka’s Test captain. He responded in perfect fashion, with an easy-natured century against Pakistan. He brought up three figures with a majestic cover drive, which he just stood and admired.
Stat of the day – 33 It took 33 balls for Dilruwan Perera to get off the mark. His time on zero was eventful enough. The Sri Lankan No 7 was given out LBW twice, but managed to have both decisions overturned on review. The TV replays showed both times that he had inside edged the ball onto his pad.
The verdict In the two previous times these two sides have met in Abu Dhabi, the Tests have been drawn. The docile nature of proceedings so far makes that the likely outcome again this time, but both sides will be harbouring thoughts that they can force their way into a winning position.
Four reasons global stock markets are falling right now
There are many factors worrying investors right now and triggering a rush out of stock markets. Here are four of the biggest:
1. Rising US interest rates
The US Federal Reserve has increased interest rates three times this year in a bid to prevent its buoyant economy from overheating. They now stand at between 2 and 2.25 per cent and markets are pencilling in three more rises next year.
Kim Catechis, manager of the Legg Mason Martin Currie Global Emerging Markets Fund, says US inflation is rising and the Fed will continue to raise rates in 2019. “With inflationary pressures growing, an increasing number of corporates are guiding profitability expectations downwards for 2018 and 2019, citing the negative impact of rising costs.”
At the same time as rates are rising, central bankers in the US and Europe have been ending quantitative easing, bringing the era of cheap money to an end.
2. Stronger dollar
High US rates have driven up the value of the dollar and bond yields, and this is putting pressure on emerging market countries that took advantage of low interest rates to run up trillions in dollar-denominated debt. They have also suffered capital outflows as international investors have switched to the US, driving markets lower. Omar Negyal, portfolio manager of the JP Morgan Global Emerging Markets Income Trust, says this looks like a buying opportunity. “Despite short-term volatility we remain positive about long-term prospects and profitability for emerging markets.”
3. Global trade war
Ritu Vohora, investment director at fund manager M&G, says markets fear that US President Donald Trump’s spat with China will escalate into a full-blown global trade war, with both sides suffering. “The US economy is robust enough to absorb higher input costs now, but this may not be the case as tariffs escalate. However, with a host of factors hitting investor sentiment, this is becoming a stock picker’s market.”
4. Eurozone uncertainty
Europe faces two challenges right now in the shape of Brexit and the new populist government in eurozone member Italy.
Chris Beauchamp, chief market analyst at IG, which has offices in Dubai, says the stand-off between between Rome and Brussels threatens to become much more serious. "As with Brexit, neither side appears willing to step back from the edge, threatening more trouble down the line.”
The European economy may also be slowing, Mr Beauchamp warns. “A four-year low in eurozone manufacturing confidence highlights the fact that producers see a bumpy road ahead, with US-EU trade talks remaining a major question-mark for exporters.”
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