"Good evening, and welcome to Delhi, where you join us for the closing ceremony of the 2010 Commonwealth Games. A warm and muggy night for it, Jim..."
"Well, it's certainly warm and muggy in this commentary box, Ken, but that's the downside of allowing a family of kingfishers to nest in the air conditioning unit."
"Magnificent creatures, Jim. Very colourful, just like the outfits worn by the hundreds of local schoolchildren who have been invited to the stadium tonight."
"Actually Ken, I believe they are young construction workers. If you look closely, those colourful outfits are actually hi-visibility vests. And they are laying concrete.
"And a magnificent job they have done, Jim. Yes, there were a few concerns over health and safety issues, but every large-scale project has teething troubles, right?"
"Teething troubles is the word, Ken."
"Yes, how is that wound healing, Jim? We've seen some strange sights from this commentary box, but never, until last week, a wild dog. A fierce competitor indeed."
"They think he may have been agitated by the kingfishers, Ken."
"Thank goodness the Canadian women's archery team was passing at the time." "Actually, Ken, they weren't passing. They had set up a makeshift camp in the neighbouring commentary box after their accommodation was flooded."
"Sounds like that monsoon cloud had a silver lining for you, Jim."
"Yes, Ken." "No actual silver for the Canadians, though, who leave with a disappointing medal haul despite an impressive display in the pole vault. Clearing six metres like that would normally guarantee a place on the podium, Jim."
"That's true Ken, but the young Canadian was not competing at the time. He was just trying to get into his second-storey apartment after the stairs collapsed."
"An impressive feat all the same, Jim, particularly when you consider that he was carrying luggage. But let's not dwell on the low points of these Games. Tell me your favourite high point."
"Well, I did enjoy the view from that bridge they had until halfway through the first week."
"Perhaps the view was the problem, Jim. With so many people stopping to take photographs, you cannot expect a bridge to stay up. But what about the sport? Did you like the squash?
"Yes, the squash was very impressive. Fitting 14 South African weightlifters into a one-bedroomed flat like that."
"What about the shooting?" "No, that wasn't a problem, Ken. The security services did an excellent job."
"Surely you liked the rowing, Jim?"
"It was fun, Ken, but I usually prefer to walk from the car park to the stadium."
"Well, you be a cynic if you like, Jim, but for me the Games were tremendous. As I look down on the smiling faces of those Indian athletes, their pockets bulging with gold medals, and hear those amazing fireworks outside, my heart skips a beat."
"Actually, Ken, those smiling Indian gentlemen are not athletes but corrupt politicians and greedy contractors, and their pockets are bulging with gold, not gold medals.
"And I'm not entirely sure those explosions outside are fireworks. We'd better get moving."
"A wise move, Jim. Is there a basement we can hide in?"
"Yes, but we'll need to be careful. That family of red pandas have just had cubs, so the mother will be quite protective, Ken."
"Marvellous creatures, Jim."
Will Batchelor is a writer, broadcaster and self-confessed cynical sports fan.
sports@thenational.ae
The specs
Engine: Four electric motors, one at each wheel
Power: 579hp
Torque: 859Nm
Transmission: Single-speed automatic
Price: From Dh825,900
On sale: Now
How to keep control of your emotions
If your investment decisions are being dictated by emotions such as fear, greed, hope, frustration and boredom, it is time for a rethink, Chris Beauchamp, chief market analyst at online trading platform IG, says.
Greed
Greedy investors trade beyond their means, open more positions than usual or hold on to positions too long to chase an even greater gain. “All too often, they incur a heavy loss and may even wipe out the profit already made.
Tip: Ignore the short-term hype, noise and froth and invest for the long-term plan, based on sound fundamentals.
Fear
The risk of making a loss can cloud decision-making. “This can cause you to close out a position too early, or miss out on a profit by being too afraid to open a trade,” he says.
Tip: Start with a plan, and stick to it. For added security, consider placing stops to reduce any losses and limits to lock in profits.
Hope
While all traders need hope to start trading, excessive optimism can backfire. Too many traders hold on to a losing trade because they believe that it will reverse its trend and become profitable.
Tip: Set realistic goals. Be happy with what you have earned, rather than frustrated by what you could have earned.
Frustration
Traders can get annoyed when the markets have behaved in unexpected ways and generates losses or fails to deliver anticipated gains.
Tip: Accept in advance that asset price movements are completely unpredictable and you will suffer losses at some point. These can be managed, say, by attaching stops and limits to your trades.
Boredom
Too many investors buy and sell because they want something to do. They are trading as entertainment, rather than in the hope of making money. As well as making bad decisions, the extra dealing charges eat into returns.
Tip: Open an online demo account and get your thrills without risking real money.
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
Key facilities
- Olympic-size swimming pool with a split bulkhead for multi-use configurations, including water polo and 50m/25m training lanes
- Premier League-standard football pitch
- 400m Olympic running track
- NBA-spec basketball court with auditorium
- 600-seat auditorium
- Spaces for historical and cultural exploration
- An elevated football field that doubles as a helipad
- Specialist robotics and science laboratories
- AR and VR-enabled learning centres
- Disruption Lab and Research Centre for developing entrepreneurial skills
The specs
Engine: 3.0-litre six-cylinder turbo
Power: 398hp from 5,250rpm
Torque: 580Nm at 1,900-4,800rpm
Transmission: Eight-speed auto
Fuel economy, combined: 6.5L/100km
On sale: December
Price: From Dh330,000 (estimate)
Killing of Qassem Suleimani
UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
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UAE currency: the story behind the money in your pockets
Where to donate in the UAE
The Emirates Charity Portal
You can donate to several registered charities through a “donation catalogue”. The use of the donation is quite specific, such as buying a fan for a poor family in Niger for Dh130.
The General Authority of Islamic Affairs & Endowments
The site has an e-donation service accepting debit card, credit card or e-Dirham, an electronic payment tool developed by the Ministry of Finance and First Abu Dhabi Bank.
Al Noor Special Needs Centre
You can donate online or order Smiles n’ Stuff products handcrafted by Al Noor students. The centre publishes a wish list of extras needed, starting at Dh500.
Beit Al Khair Society
Beit Al Khair Society has the motto “From – and to – the UAE,” with donations going towards the neediest in the country. Its website has a list of physical donation sites, but people can also contribute money by SMS, bank transfer and through the hotline 800-22554.
Dar Al Ber Society
Dar Al Ber Society, which has charity projects in 39 countries, accept cash payments, money transfers or SMS donations. Its donation hotline is 800-79.
Dubai Cares
Dubai Cares provides several options for individuals and companies to donate, including online, through banks, at retail outlets, via phone and by purchasing Dubai Cares branded merchandise. It is currently running a campaign called Bookings 2030, which allows people to help change the future of six underprivileged children and young people.
Emirates Airline Foundation
Those who travel on Emirates have undoubtedly seen the little donation envelopes in the seat pockets. But the foundation also accepts donations online and in the form of Skywards Miles. Donated miles are used to sponsor travel for doctors, surgeons, engineers and other professionals volunteering on humanitarian missions around the world.
Emirates Red Crescent
On the Emirates Red Crescent website you can choose between 35 different purposes for your donation, such as providing food for fasters, supporting debtors and contributing to a refugee women fund. It also has a list of bank accounts for each donation type.
Gulf for Good
Gulf for Good raises funds for partner charity projects through challenges, like climbing Kilimanjaro and cycling through Thailand. This year’s projects are in partnership with Street Child Nepal, Larchfield Kids, the Foundation for African Empowerment and SOS Children's Villages. Since 2001, the organisation has raised more than $3.5 million (Dh12.8m) in support of over 50 children’s charities.
Noor Dubai Foundation
Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum launched the Noor Dubai Foundation a decade ago with the aim of eliminating all forms of preventable blindness globally. You can donate Dh50 to support mobile eye camps by texting the word “Noor” to 4565 (Etisalat) or 4849 (du).
What are the influencer academy modules?
- Mastery of audio-visual content creation.
- Cinematography, shots and movement.
- All aspects of post-production.
- Emerging technologies and VFX with AI and CGI.
- Understanding of marketing objectives and audience engagement.
- Tourism industry knowledge.
- Professional ethics.